a father...

my apologies.this post is kind of emo..but where else can i let it out
what are dads suppose to be

seriously.i never asked god for a perfect father
just a human one

but at least a decent one
a father never disowns a kid for making a mistake

a father never says get out and" ill never want to see your face again "
to his kid
"i dont care about you anymore!"

so why did mine do?

sometimes i wished i had a father that i never met
like im one of those kids who just never knew their father
and then i take back those words

when i remember the times when you and mummy were together
and i was primary 2
and you use to take me down and wait for the school bus with me
and you use to tell me weird stories
and how heaven and hell was as we both looked up at the dark sky of the morning
as lame and dramatic as it sounds
you did all that
that you made me and shyama chachie grew up
knowing how to use mac coms and playing com games
that you made us so techno friendly
and to love movies and games
and gave us that childhood

so you shouldnt say i dont love you
cause i do
alot.
that i still thought i had a the coolest and smartest father
but you were hidden behind this unfaithful man
that i never saw.shyama chahcie did but not me
it was your actions that made me stay away from you
because everytime i tried to fake a smile
the anger just filled up my gutts
and i couldnt keep that guilt of keeping something
from mom
i never stop loving you
but i lost that awe and respect i had for you
from the coolest dad you became a jerk to me
now i cant say i want to marry someone like my dad
cause i wouldnt

you dis owned me today for a small mistake

that any teenager would have done
but it hurt like shit
cause today
i lost my dad


they say that in your toughest moments
and when tears ,anger and pain seems to over take you
you think of people you love
im just living for memeks
cause i feel dead inside
of all the shit
thats happening suddenly
and when i start feeling so sad
i thought about you
and how it would have been nice
for you to be around and take the pain away
but i just pray to god to let it go.

i wish in these moments
reality was not reality
and i could live one day
being there with you.
for now please just be my signal fire