okay i manage to take a nap

yeah its such a great day .


its all i can wish for..your happiness and well being
and i would do anything to see you happy.
even if its the smallest of things.
:)

tmrw is history re-test for me
so i got to go mug now
im just so happy i manage to sleep for 2hours
i hope the cycle doesnt repeat tonight
that would be damn freeky
haha
oh well
hitler and stalin
here i come!
oh man im becoming lamer than venus
haha

insomia? again? -.-

haha yeah and its raining now :)


yeah they say absense makes the heart fonder
somehow its damn true..sometimes its best to just disappear
for awhile.


i wont! no matter how tough it gets


i think i kind of caught on to venus's diesease

kind of weird
i cant seem to sleep as how venus puts it in 'human time'
and its kind of scary. right now its nearly 4am
and ive just been studying ,snacking and studying again and now on the com
oh and its raining
totally fits my mood now

sad your not around to steal away the rain like you always do :D
anyway
olevels is coming man

hais
JC MEMEKS
all the best for your coming promos
i know all of you will be amazing out there and do damn well
good luck and
love ya



i hate holding on to something i know i cant have
but why the hell am i still holding on to it right
i wish i could let it go
the best way to let it go is when your not
around anymore :(

dreams.

when day by day you just think your living a routine
and one day bam! your leaving sec school soon
guess thats life
and so many things changes
so fast before we could let our eyes see the beauty to life


yeah and it beats the shit out of me

a father...

my apologies.this post is kind of emo..but where else can i let it out
what are dads suppose to be

seriously.i never asked god for a perfect father
just a human one

but at least a decent one
a father never disowns a kid for making a mistake

a father never says get out and" ill never want to see your face again "
to his kid
"i dont care about you anymore!"

so why did mine do?

sometimes i wished i had a father that i never met
like im one of those kids who just never knew their father
and then i take back those words

when i remember the times when you and mummy were together
and i was primary 2
and you use to take me down and wait for the school bus with me
and you use to tell me weird stories
and how heaven and hell was as we both looked up at the dark sky of the morning
as lame and dramatic as it sounds
you did all that
that you made me and shyama chachie grew up
knowing how to use mac coms and playing com games
that you made us so techno friendly
and to love movies and games
and gave us that childhood

so you shouldnt say i dont love you
cause i do
alot.
that i still thought i had a the coolest and smartest father
but you were hidden behind this unfaithful man
that i never saw.shyama chahcie did but not me
it was your actions that made me stay away from you
because everytime i tried to fake a smile
the anger just filled up my gutts
and i couldnt keep that guilt of keeping something
from mom
i never stop loving you
but i lost that awe and respect i had for you
from the coolest dad you became a jerk to me
now i cant say i want to marry someone like my dad
cause i wouldnt

you dis owned me today for a small mistake

that any teenager would have done
but it hurt like shit
cause today
i lost my dad


they say that in your toughest moments
and when tears ,anger and pain seems to over take you
you think of people you love
im just living for memeks
cause i feel dead inside
of all the shit
thats happening suddenly
and when i start feeling so sad
i thought about you
and how it would have been nice
for you to be around and take the pain away
but i just pray to god to let it go.

i wish in these moments
reality was not reality
and i could live one day
being there with you.
for now please just be my signal fire

somethings to say

:)

thats is the truth :)

thursdays

oh man i love the both of you!


found this on tabitha's blog
its soo cool that she likes leighton meester too
anyway did i tell you that leighton meester was born on the same birthday as me
yeah! haha
btw i love her sooo much (leighton meester)
she is soo unique and adorable :D

so anyway i am feeling much better.yest night i took a flu tablet and went to bed


woke up today feeling so much better :)

OKAY I KNOW I AM SO LATE AT SAYING THIS


but i watched the VMAs while taking a break just now and

kanye west...what the hell is wrong with you man!

taylor swift i believe you deserve to win ! your such a nice and sweet person

and Beyonce ...you just made me love you more:)

AND REALISE THAT even though i think lady gaga is a weird person

she actually is damn sweet :D

oh and the MJ tribute was soooo awesome



i dont care what people think and say abt him ill always love MJ

oh and i cant wait for new moon to come out

tmrw we got to report at 10am
just when i thought i could get some sleep do some studies and report at 1pm
they say we have to meet with the principal
damn it.
oh well
life goes on

oh my...chuck and blair...I LOVE YOU!

oh i must add something funny here
my dear memek atika wanted to tell me to say the three words and eight letters
atika: nair eight words three letters
nair: atika what are you talking about?
atika: oh and starts laughing like crazy
nair:you mean eight letters three words
nair and atika: laughing like idots while waiting at boon lay
interchange

haha

oh i have to brighten my day with pics of the two of them!

i love chuck and blair so much!

fav couple of the year

i am feeling sick

oh no i am having such a bad flu and it sucks.

its like i couldnt do anything in peace in school.

poor dinah who were sitting next to me had to hear me sneeze and sniff the whole time

haha but i still love sitting next to her .

anyway jacko's face is swelled up near his nose area.
hais he cant see and he bangs against the wall
and he has cuts on his face
gosh my heart hurts so bad seeing my buddy in pain
god please do something



dont think i will go school tmrw .
really not feeling good
but fri is graduatyion cum awards day
yay will see memeks there

anyway
i suddenly like the meaning of this

"now and then when i see you see your face
you take me to that special place and
if i stare too long i probably break down and cry
i hate to look into those eyes and see any ounce of pain'


its been a long week
studying for olevels can be so tiring
but its not long before it ends
sometimes i just want to stop time.
so i can love sec school life more

anyway
damn i missed you by that much!
:(

so god damn hard

you know sometimes right.
i feel i dont even know why i am living .
sometimes i feel like everybody in this house
doesnt see things from my point of view.
they say i keep to myself.
but did they ever think about how sucky it is for me.
did they even think of how i must bee feeling
they say i keep to myself
but have you guys realise
THIS ISNT A FAMILY
its a damn CORPORATION!
there is communicatuion breakdown.
if you claim there is love in this family
there isnt.
the only love is from daddy and mummy and my brother
who achknowledges that i exist in this big damn house!
you know i do anything for my family.
but what is the point sometimes
i feel so wasted of the fact that they blame me.
they have no idea what i am going through
no freeking idea.

okay ill cool down
ill let it go.
but it hurts big time

anyway this part of this song..gosh its all i feel and want to say right now to you.:)

Ive been roaming around,i was looking down at all i see
painted faces fill the places i cant reach
you know that i could use somebody
you know that i could use somebody

someone like you and all you know and how you speak
countless lovers undercover of the street
you know that i could use somebody
you know that i could use somebody
someone like you

off in the night while you live it up im off to sleep
waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
i hope its going to make you notice
i hope its going to make you notice
someone like me

just a quickie

was surfing and came across this quote..it really is amazing

how god sends you messages by the little things you come across.

today i got two messages.

:)

so a quick post cause i am in the mids of studying hitler .

btw i always wonder why the hell are we learning about mean bad people that kill so many people...meanies like stalin and hitler....

its funny how we never leanr about the good people .

oh well i still love history.

anyway i just want to say , i am not a NOBODY and i am going to be SOMEBODY!

ill keep telling myself that everyday.

i really feel very blessed today.

i dont know why but i know that

at least somepeople believe in me.

and you know what

IT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO GIVE UP MORE

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

there is no temptation or suffering that your going through that jesus cannot

identify with or give you his superbounding grace to overcome.

this was like the scond message.

the funny thing is after getting the horrible prelim results

i was telling myself that no one understands the frustration and pain and anger i feel

with myself for not being good enough or smart enough or being a last min person.

i was asking myself

where am i going to go with this kind of shit grades.

and i recieved this book today

and i was just looking at todays message and it said this

and somehow my mind felt at peace

god helps those who helps themselves

so i got to take the first step

:)

i am proud of myself

SO we all got to start from somewhere
this is two of my favourite quotes from the pursuit of happiness

chris gardner: it was right then when i started thinking about thomas jefferson and the declaration of independence and the part about our right to life,liberty and the pursuit of happiness and i remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something we can only pursue and maybe we can never actually have it no matter what.how did he know that?

chris gardner:Hey dont ever let somebody tell you that you cant do something,not even me alright? you got a dream you got to protect it.people cant do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you cant do it.if you want something ,go get it..PERIOD!

everytime i watch this movie ..my hair stands when he say that..because it is so true..why should we care what people think.why should we care if they say its to tough or you cant get it.its our dream ...we got to protect it..and its soo true...happiness,it doesnt come just like that
we got to pursue it..:) THIS IS FOR THE PEOPLE who feel that you cant gety where you want to cause someone says your not smart enough or not good enough..
dont listen to them..fight for it :D


today is the first day i went for a run after a long time





and you know what...i feel really good





everytime i tell myself i want to go for a run





i end up getting lazy,today i told myself i am just going to go no matter what





it feels good..after the three months of unhealthy things i did





i finally have got back on the horse and i am getting my stamina back.





so i am going to continue this good habit.





anyway my plan now is to pick up good reading habits and to broaden my knowledge





this is not only to do well for my english olevels but to learn more about issues that are important today.





so i hope i keep this good habit ...and be consistent :)

your smile

one that i can never easily forget

one thats always in my mind

one that calms the worst days

:)

DAY OUT WITH MEMEKS
WAS GOOD:D

positiveness!

i read something on atika's blog just now and it really made alot of sense
when you focus on things you dont want the things you dont want will never disappear.
so why am i focusing on things i dont want.
my priorities will be studying and getting my dreams.
and i am going to pray hard and ask god to help me be focused and not let matters of the heart take control of me.
i cant do that.
i am going to focus on the things i want.i am going to focus on the big things coming for me
and i am going to focus on being a good kid and being good in things i do.
i just have to fill my mind with what i got to do.it would take me away from thinking about sad and unwanted things.
so what i got to do is to
STUDY
when i want to avoid the bad stuff
just get occupied with work
and PRAY
to me church is the most peaceful place on earth.
because all the shit load of crap thats taunting your head
suddenly doesnt seem to be there bothering you.
somehow when you leave ,you feel lighter.
sony mcdreamy
id ont even know why i liked that name.
its not only because i absoulutely love patrick dempsey in greys anatomy
but because i am a kid who never wants to stop dreaming
there is so much ahead
so much more things to feel and experience
why gloat over your missing oppourtunites now
why gloat over the heartbreaks of love
when you know that there is something better coming along the way

we are defined by our opportunities ,even the ones we missed.

i know i love you
and if thats all we can take.
if me knowing it is enough
then just let it be.

Teachers day

wishing all the teachers out there a very happy teachers day.

you guys make us what we are today.

so anyway yesturday was an awesome day.

even though i didnt get to sleep much cause i was doing last minute mugging

i still manage to remember some stuff for physics

i dont think prelims have gone great

BUT i still have lost my mojo yet i just got my engine warming up.

so anyway i gave my two favourite teachers in the world a teachers day gift

these two people really has helped me so much and i really appreciate them alot.

hope they like their gifts.

seeing memeks in css was soo awesome

i mean it was fun being around our batch peeps

so after seeing the teachers and all memeks decided to head to chevrons to play FUSEBALL!

i love fuseball man
esp with those idiots
as usual dear miss ahchoo had other plans

but it was fun ....after that the people who could eat grabbed a snack at hans and we all sat down and talked
as usual the talk time was good.

okay seriously
its either your dumb,oblivious or you just cant think straight
your contradicting yourself in so many ways
and the stupid thing is
you dont even need to do this
your just screwing things for your ownself
and then later you get emo
what is the point
jeez
i really wonder if your happy now
stop living in this box where you think
what your doing is going to make everything better
stop pretending your life away,
you disgust me sometimes.




anyway
you meet many different people in your life
some people stay and some people go.
the ones who were gone should mean nothing to you
should be taken off your memories and mind.
but you
i hope you live in my memories for a long long time
and i hope your one person who stays