i really feel so helpless.

you know i really feel helpless.

i really feel like this idiot who just cant do anything for you.

i really feel like someone who prob doesnt mean anything to you.

you know i really feel the pain more and more and more.

you know i am tired of being around this.you know i am tired of not being able to do anything for you.

you know my heart hurts so bad.
you know your clouding up my mind
i cant think,i cant do anything,i just stand and worry.
it hurt me today.
and it'll hurt me from now on
i am sick and tired and i cant do anything without thinking of you.
please stop sitting so hard on my chest with everything u do.

what would you know
when u just see right through me!

haiz u know when i feel so mad,sad ,happy or just useless.

i just go and sit infront of jacko and watch him sleep.
the way he just peacefully sleeps calms me.
and then i tell him whatever that is running through my head.
and somehow he seems like he is listening and actually understanding me.
and i just feel better.i mean he doesnt have to say anything.but by just not saying anything
he just gives me all the answers i need.
the thing abt a dog.
they dont care if ur a good kid bad kid,if ur ugly,gorgeous,fat or skinny
they still love you anyway.
they still make you feel like your are the only world to them.
only a pet could make u feel that extraordinary.they dont loose faith in you.
they dont hold a grudge after u scold them or shout at them.they wld still come running to u
wagging their tails.thats how a dog is.they never stop loving you.
jacko he is getting old.and nowdays he is pretty much blind and he cant walk properly.
my heart hurts seeing him like that.
everyday while he is sleeping i have to check if he is still breathing.
i say good nite to both jacko and barney .and i say good morning to them.
before i leave the house i tell them.
they are everything to me.
and today i just want to say .the most peaceful time in my day
is in the night when i say goodnight to my dogs and watch them sleep.

they say a mans best friend is a dog.
that line suddenly is so true
i love you jacko boy.
please if your going to leave this world soon
make sure you go when i am around boy.
you are the best problem listener i ever had
and the best dog.

i could find 10 excuses

monday is mt olevels exams.and i feel prepared .

i am just going to do the best i can after all.i took tamil for 10years so

i must be good at something that is tamil.haha.

today was called"dooms day" for most of the sec 5s as it was meet the parents .i somehow din have to go even to my results were very terrible.but i guess my mum would be getting a call soon about it.
good thing i mentally prepared her already.

so many thing coming my way and i got to think abt so many things.

things like extended timetable ,night study,adoption proggrame.
so much work to complete so much subject pacts thrown at our faces.
so much test and mock papers coming up.
talk about feeling the pressure!yeah totally


gosh now its really that period.
the blood sucking period where every
minute counts.

i could find 10 reasons to bail from asking you.
i could find ten reasons to be a coward and run.
but deep down i know this is the only chance i got
the only shot i got.
somehow i know this is meant to be .because i know ill ask you.
somehow i know ill get this opportunity because i have been dreaming abt it for damn long
somehow i know that your the only one who can help me,who can lift me up,who can make me fly again.
so why run?why think of pride and dignity?
i rather swallow all of it for you.
because i know if i dont ill regret it for the rest of my life.
what can i say.your all i have.
sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
i am going to do this!
ITS TIME I DO.
AND I HOPE YOU WOULD BE OPEN TO GIVE ME THIS BIG CHANCE.
because you are the only one who can save me.

today was boring

mt camp is like finally over tmrw.
haiz alot to do now.
amaths
tamil.
two subjects aint on my happy list.
haha i guess my moods way better cause i had good laugh while leaving school with phyll ,dinah and gang haha.
hey phyll
dont go soo gay can.
haha u crack me up alot when u are.haha

and dinah please improve on ur spoken english
private became pribird
ladder became larrer hahahhaha

me:haiz effendi if u punch me ill tell "you know who"
dinah:i dare u nair!
me:i dare,give me one month
dinah:i bet you it will never happen
me:u wait and see!

haha i still haven complete both phyll and dinahs bets
haiz i will..need some time.

anyway i also had a great conversation with dear lil miss quiet
haha she is very cute lar
she actually cried cause she couldnt do maths
haha
gosh haha
anyway lil miss quiet is right lar
love must come at its own time .
dont chase it
waa lil miss quiet always makes alot of sense.
maybe it was too fast and maybe i was chasing it
so now i just let it go and let love take its own time

haha
you are the biggest inspiration in my life
and u keep me going on the days i want to die
i would never stop feeling the way i feel for you
because you make me a better person everyday.
you make me feel alive again
when no one else had that power to
you are the greatest gift
this whole world has to offer
and i thank god i have you

seems like more than just a word

today was boring with the whole mother tougue camp.

trust me one whole week of tamil aint fun at all.

well life goes on
all the best for olevels my dear sec 5s
strive on!

EVERYTHING i do
i am doing it for you
even if you dont realise its you i am doing it for'
i would give it all up
i would let it go
thats the way its suppose to be


love
its more than just a word
sometimes its in the things we do
and my love it doesnt have to be seen by you
but i know its there.
but how do i love silently?
when i so hate to
how do i stop caring
how do i let you go when ur right infront there
how do i stop loving you.

gosh its so weird
the way i am feeling nowdays
atika trust me screaming at the reservoir now
seems like the best way to get out our aching hearts.
ill see u tmrw.

nobody said it was easy...

come up to you.

tell you i am sorry ,you dont know how lovely you are.

i had to find you,tell you i need you.tell you i set you apart.

tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,oh lets go back to the start.

nobody said it was easy.no one ever said it wold be so hard.

no one said being the good person or friend was going to be the hardest

no one looked into your eyes and told u

THAT FALLING Is LOVE IS SO GOD DAMN HARD!

why is it me this time and again

and why the hell is it you

i am sick.oh man

i just got this bad flu and sore throat.

and i feel so weak and tired.i guess my body needs some rest.

even though i dont see you today.am still thinking of you:D

so i think ll spend today catching up on amaths and tamil.lots and lots of tamil.

olevels is in a week.and i am super freeked.and on top of that mdm malar(a.k.a flower)

doesnt believe we can do well...haiz oh well we just have to work hard on our own.

i think i am just not ready.am still stuck on you
i think i just dont want to enter sticky situations.
in many ways i rather just run from this..
i know myself well.from all the things i learn from
what happen to me.running away is the best option sometimes.
but it aint easy.gosh i really dont know what to do sometimes.
with you.its impossible to run away.you make me so happy sometimes even without you needing to do anything.

oh well

chuck and blair
finally chuck bass said it in epi 25
"I LOVE YOU TOO"
WOW MAN
FINALLY AND SHE WAS SOO TOUCHED
HAHA I AM SO SO SO HAPPY WITH GG ENDING OF SEASON 2
i love chuck and blair.
:D

sundays

its a sunday.and i am so tired and sick.

haha i guess school tmrw might be a drag.but your going to be there.
so i got nothing to worry about anymore.

i cant go anywhere without missing you.its a diesease.

haha.

and then.
there you go.
there you go again
racing through my brain
and i just cant contain
the feeling that remains

there you go
there you go again
pulsing through my veins
and i just cant contain
the feeling that remains.

there you go
there you go again
chasing down my lane
and i just cant contain
this feeling that remains.

haha lifes got alot to give
sometimes we got to sit back and enjoy it.

quote

i dont know why but i really like this quote

"i may never get to see you as often as i like.
i may not get to hold you in my arms all the time
But deep in my heart i TRUELY know that your
the one that i love.
and cant never let go"

hmm nice quote haha.

bored on a sat morning doing amaths.
i seriously need a life!

its you ...its just you

i had the worst day and then i walked out.

i walked out and there you were.the way you always were

.just walking..

just being you.and i become speechless

i loose my anger and hatred for having the worst day.

and for that moment.i want to say something.i wanna scream and complain to you.

but i just keep quiet i just not say anything.cause i dont wanna ruine the moment.

but the pain of holding all in and not being able to say it kills me.

it kills me deep...because your you

and i am me.and this imaginary line that defines the two of us is so god damn long that i cant cross it

no matter how much i want to.

no matter how much i wish to.

but i lost my anger and i started to smile.and for that moment.i forgot the line....that imaginary line.

hope your feeling better.
ill be around.

gone away

I�ve been hiding letters and photographed frames to forget your name
We were never meant to be this damn broken
Words were never meant to be this half spoken
Fallin� in the space between the universe and all we see has gone away
Gone away

let it go.

omg the the swat guy from pp that dates addison
his name is kevin on the proggrame.
he is so cute .
haha love him!

the private practice cast

star trek movie.a must watch

blair and chuck


i spend my break just watching pp.and i love pp alot
i still love greys but pp isnt like normal hospital doctors.
they care abt paitients differently
shonda rimes is excellent
she is the creater of pp and greys anatomy two of my fav shows
and she is soo good and making both shows unique


so its monday and there isnt school.

so tmrw is back to school.and normal lessons.

finally.i missed normal lessons.

well so i am going to give my reviews on movies and my proggrames haha.

so i went to watch star trek that day with acha and mum.

the movies was really great.i think even people who arnt trek fans or dont like science fiction might enjoy it.

the effects and story line is great.and u dont really need to know what the whole star trek story is abt to watch it.

so great movie.

anyway i watched my private practice last episode of the season 2.gosh its left just standing on the cliff.haiz i swear if naomi leaves the practice its going to be so sad and if violet gets hurt its going to be so sad cause she and pete just made amends to be together haha.

i cant wait till pp season 3 comes back in the fall.haiz i hate cliffhangers...

so gossip girl episode 23 was awesome but so sad for chuck and blair fans cause chuck told her that its all a game ....

haiz i love chuck so much and so what if he is a bad ass.
i bet he lovs blair more than nate.
and the only reason he is walking away from blair is cause he thinks he cant make blair happy he cant offer to her what others can.he knows that and so he walked away.he sacrificed cause he know nate is better for her.thats y he din fight.haiz. he may not make her happy enough like how nate can.
not because he doesnt love her.
but now she thinks he doesnt
awwww i love chuck
i just want him to get blair!!!!
haiz.

i love tv shows and movies.
but this weekend was just a very small break after midyears.
back to work tmrw
back to revision.

well lifes goood
we just got to find whats good in it.
and whatever that is bad we got to let it go.
just let it go.
cause once we have.
its a start to something good.:D

magic?

so mid years are over.and t all moms out there happy mothers day.no love is like a mothers love.

so anyway i was just thinking ,sometimes right dont you just feel your life just falls into the routine.

haha its like everything just sort of goes a certain cycle.yeah i mean wheres the magic?

i keep wondering what the hells the magic in my life?

i mean sometimes we all need it.we all need that magic. that special thing that booms enters ur life.

i got this gutt feeling something bigs coming for me..and this feeling is been there recently.

so that MAGIC..its COMING i just know it haha

back to normal lessons next week.

yay! finally.

i believe pain makes us grow.
so people who think your going through pain.
trust me it makes us better people ,much stronger people.
its made that we have this pain so that we learn .
but dont fall into the hole again after u come out
thats when its starts to go in to danger zone.
best thing
STAY AWAY! dont even get close to something u know ur going to fall in to.
better to save yourself
early then later.



theres so much meaning in your name.
like its gods way to tell me not to give up and move on.
your god sent.and i am sorry i noticed it now cause i was blocked by something.
but i am here now...so i am finally opening up to other doors.finally.
thanks to u.

MAGIC!! ITS COMING! HAHA

you know

This myes is not what i am capable and i swear i am not going to let the whole u walk in the exam room thing without being prepared for a paper feeling again.
ill learn and work harder and do more revision.
ill keep fighting.
haven lost my mojo yet.
and i definitely haven lost my inspiration.
i feel so tired cause i have been sleeping during odd hours and i feel tired when i do my papers.
this week aint that fun without you around

its been 5 days
5days since i have seen i have seen or heard you and already i am dying.
this totally isnt fair you know haha.
i kinda miss you soo much.
i mean especially this week i wish you were around the most.cause i felt so weak this week.
like when ur around i get high and strength to carry on.i wish you around this week because i am getting over alot of things this week...and your the only cure to this uneasy pain that comes in and out .i understand u must be busy with exams and all.
but i just wish you were around more.esp this week.

if i could have one wish right or one demand.
i wish to see the world through your eyes.
because i think if i had that power.
alot more colours wld be painting in my life right now.
i know ill see you soon.
but your already taunting me by being so
M.i.A haha
oh well i know ill see you around.

happy 101th post ! haha

today was simple.stayed at home and homies came over

studied history with them.manage to clear two chapters.

so yeah ,somehow i feel so pathetic being in secondary school.

people my age are prob talking abt jc and poly stuff now.

oh well life goes on hahahaha

plus i really dont mind school.

they say right that when the hearts contented so is the mind

its like everything falls into place.

feel like my life has.

must study harder..haha a fighter never stops fighting.

olevel is just like a step.but its a tough step.but i am glad i am supported by people i love

i think thats very important.to have someone there to take the load off you know.

got that .yeah!

anyway quote

"there you are standing right infront of me"
"all this fear falls away to leave me naked"
"stay forever cause i need you to guide me to safety"
"in my confusion and the aftermath,you were the signal fire"
"the only resolution,the only joy"

the words fit perfectly to my life haha

meixi is like damn weird haha
its like we were walking to the shop right then got this woman who is dressed fairly well with a dress and then meixi said
her dressing is so last year . haha
and meixi was liked dressed in fbt shorts and school pe tshirt.
i mean the worst thing to do right is to comment on someones dressing when ur dressing is worst.
hahahahhahah oh lim meixi the things you do in life arh...

then i wanted to say anonymas then the word canme out as inonymas
then meixi wanted to correct me
she corrected my saying amomymas

lim mei xi u want to correct someone right correct correctly! hahahaha
gosh i shld write a book abt u lar
funny people

miss memeks lar
u guys better meet this friday lar
got lots to update u guys abt

i think got decide to do me justice this week lar'
haha he made good and coincidental things happen this week.
it was like destiny!