HATE

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU


AND SO I CAN GO ON TYPING THAT,
BUT IN THE END OF THE DAY
I WILL JUST BE FOOLING MYSELF
CAUSE I CAN NEVER HATE YOU

I HATE WHAT YOUR DOING TO ME

what i feel

VINDICATED
IN THAT ONE WORD LIES
ALL THAT I FEEL.




“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

RALPH WALDO



GUESS SOMETIMES
NO MATTER WHAT IT IS
WE ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE BIGGER
TO HOLD OUR HAND
AND TO TAKE AWAY THE FEELING
OF BLAME

BECAUSE WE KNOW
HE KNOWS THE TRUTH

(GOD)

max and liz..what can i say...awwww!

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
i loved that part so much
seriously,if it comes down to which couple
i feel most for
i would sure have to say
MAX EVANS AND LIZ PARKER
this two have won my hear over
best tv couple i know

god i love max evans!

ROSWELL!!!!!

god i love roswell!
i mean its funny and different
and god max evans is so hot!
anyway im going to watch the three seasons for sure
:)

and i think sheetal sheth is soo amazing man!
american indian actress
:)

what a week

(and looking into your eyes is my escape from the world)

sometimes the only escape to the bad stuff is thinking or feeling you.
alot of unfortunate things happen.and i was staying at venus place for 4 days
honestly i was very well taken care of by her mum and venus.
like when i did closing venus would wait up for me till i get home like at 2am
and make sure i got food to eat.
sometimes it feels nice to be looked after
well venus was truly family this 4 days
and thanks to her cute mum and funny brothers/
im back home
and yes i miss my bed
bet venus misses her's too.
things have finally settled and life
goes on.
recently things have been rather weird for me
and i cant identify or know what im feeling
i know that i dont think of anyone but you still
but i feel weird around someone new.
anyway life goes on.
and i just want to let these small feelings go
before i get hurt.

i still miss you
and i just want it to stop
people asked
if i knew it wld be this hard now
would i have stopped it from happening
i guess i figured the answer
i rather had one experience with you
then a whole lifetime without it.



i still love you.

LOVE, AGRESSION ,ANGER,FRUSTRATION AND PAIN

Maybe the anger and the frustration
is just blocking the fact that im
really missing you.
and that there is this ach inside
maybe the frustration is just me
trying to forget how im actually mad
with you more than anyone else
sometimes i wish you could see
that it isnt easy for me.

and you know its because of you
venus is getting things she doesnt deserve.
you know venus is the one person that takes so
much from me.
im so sorry pal i truely am.


i hate the way you make me feel sometimes
like life is worth living and all happy and great
when its not that great at all.
i hate how i really want to leave but cant.
i hate how you have freeking no idea that you
caused a small ach in my heart.

you know whats weird
how f%@*&%$ ignorant humans can be.
today i was standing in the train
and a indian pregnant lady was just standing there
no one even bothered to give her a seat
even though they are sitting on the priority seat
please lar
your such a ignorant bastered
your so young and strong and you cant even stand
what the hell is wrong with your damn brain man!
that lady was looking so tired and weak you know.
bloody asshole pissed the shit out of me
he had no freeking balls do be a gentlemen.


and yet again when i feel so mad
and i feeling like hitting something
or throwing something
i think of you
and i think of what you would say to me
to make me better
what the hells wrong with me right?
like i should go check my head right
life and THE f$%^&*$#
THING CALLED IRONY

its been long

well its been sometime since i blogged.
i guess i just been caught up.
today i kind off feel like letting things out.
2010 has been great so far.things have been slow.
work, fun, church, tv ,movies and the cycle repeats itself.
i like work and sometimes its annoying.but i know people there are great
and nice and fun.im just getting use to it.

things have been rather rough lately.
like maybe i dont want things to go too fast.
like i dont want to face reality
or i am stopping myself from seeing it.
either way its beating the shit out of me.

i cant believe i am sacrificing my faith for my family
and 3 years is a long time.its painful and sad


sometimes maybe people dont get anything
and its better not to tell sometimes.
i rather build walls nowdays
then have to deal with people not understanding
its only when you know how to feel how that person is feeling
you would understand.if you dont..then dont freeking judge
dont make it seem like it is not and issue cause to that person its everything.

i tried asking myself a million questions today..
but i found no answers.
i think ill leave it up to god.
and ill just pray.

and when we meet,im sure we will,all that was there
wlll be there still,ill let it pass and hold my tongue and you will think that i moved on




at one point your were that wonderwall.
now you are what i am today.

part 2

PHILIPPINES!

well i needed you

i just realise

there is over 700 billion people living on earth
and maybe my calculations are wrong
there is more every second
but over 700 billion.
sometimes,
all you need is just one
well i needed you
your were that 1
out of the 700 billion people
and out of the 700 billion people ,i still miss you.

so now im going to leave for Philippines.
and im going to get my well deserved break.
going to miss you memeks!
and dinah and raa!
and homies!

pain comes in stages..if we dont make it
nothing changes
so im just going to enjoy myself now!
haha so long..il be back soon
i want to NOT think about you now

you dont see me but i see you

(i love this song ..its everything i feel like telling you)atika intro to me
thanks memeks for the awesome times just now
im living for u guys man
and all the other sweet people out there
who are there for me
i love u guys

im standing across from you
And dreaming of the things i do
I don't speak you don't know me at all

For fear of what you might do
I say nothing but stare at you
And i'm dreaming
I'm trippin' over you

Truth be told
My problems solved
You mean the world to be but you'll never know
You could be cruel to me
While we're risking the way that i see you
That i see you (3x)
That i see

Conversations
Not me at all
I'm hesitating
Only to fall
And i'm waiting i'm hating everyone

Could it be you fell for me?
And any possible similarity
If its all how would i know?
You never knew me at all but i see you
But i see you (4x)

I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)
I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)

Truth be told my problem solved
You mean the world to me
But you'll never know
You could be cruel to me
While we're risking the way that i see you
But i see you (4x)

I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)
(4x)

But i see you
But i see you
But i see you

you know thats exactly what i feel like doing ,taking a bunch of plates
and throwing it.
point is i hate the fact that i miss you.
anyway first day at work was not bad...
my boss seems nice
and people are friendly
VENUS IS BACK
finally and thats awesome
leaving on mon night
okay so so many things happening and technically you should even be in my mind now
BUT YOU ARE.
anyway some people are really making me smile more these days and i dont know why
haha missing memeks too!
seeing mr bohari and venus lim tmrw
Thanks youjing for hearing me out that emo day haha
sorry arh


if i could choose one thing is my life to go my way
it would be having you in my life

waiting

and thats why its so hard to let go

“ You rarely notice, but I hang on your every word. Wasted Time by Meshell Ndegeocello

and thats why im still waiting ...for a sign
from you

whats the point in waiting right?

how do you say goodbye?

sometimes when we want to run away ,
time moves so slowly.
but when want to stay,
time is just not on our sides.
The funny thing is
you wish you given everything to
turn back time and make your self not even think about
running away in the past.


point is
for me
one moment,one dream
one smile,one laugh
and one love

thats all we get
only one
cause thats how its suppose to be
loving something that you know
will never be possible

somehow its weird
how ill always remember every bit of the moments i had
that memory is in my heart

and thats how i say goodbye to you
keeping the memories
but losing you

you got me high and i dont even know yet
the sun's in the sky its warming up my bare legs
i cant deny ,im looking for the sunset
its the search for the time before it leaves without you
have i lost my mind,or have you taken all of mine too?

ENGLISH IS DONE more to go

So english is done .now there is still next week

and the week after to go.

i know its going to end soon

today me and venus were coming up with

how people will be reacting on the day of our

last paper

im hoping to see papers and science books flooding the dustbin

haha but not possible we got to save the enviroment.
anyway meixi is soooooooooo adorable sometimes
even do she makes it so hard to live my life peacefully
so i dont know why

i seem to be in a better mood today

i guess mummy and daddy arnt that bad
they piss me off to the max but in the end before i head to bed they some how make things
better

yesturday went for high tea with my family
quite a fun experience
THERE WAS CHOCOLATE FONDUE!
arh!
i went crazy when i saw it
haha
anyway MR NOEL NAVIN!
MY DEAR BROTHER
STOP STALKING HOT GIRLS !
haha he is such a loser
my bro:hey that girl in the floral top quite hot arh
me:ey yeah quite.y? you know her arh?
mr bro: NO but i want to :D
me: LOSER!

anyway you know whats weird,if leslie(my bros gf was there)
they both would be talking about how hot the girl is
HAHA ! yeah thats why they are meant for each other
but no matter what i know my bro loves leslie so much

anyway so MR NOEL NAVIN GOT A PIC OF THAT HOT GIRL
and i was like EW stalker!


anway my mum made a fool out of herself
she took congee
then she wanted to add pepper
and its quite weird because the salt and pepper was connected to the same bottle
u must know how to use it
then she didnt realise she
actually put salt
and she was like

"you know what this congee is terrible is so salty you know"
and then we were like really arh
then she realise she dumped so much salt in the thing that it tasted like that
HAHA!


anyway daDDY keeps saying sandles is slipper shoe
its call sandals right?
haha

okay so i have a weird family
oh i bumped into syahir yest he was with his family at the same high tea place haha!


ANYWAY KAMBENG KEEPS SAYING ITS FRAPPAY
but its call frapp!
and i know it cause there isnt a toing on top of the E
i mean what kind of theory is that
haha
kambeng needs to take an english course lar



anyway
have you ever felt a moment
when you miss someone and they
keep sticking in your mind
and somehow you want to see them
and boom!
they appear infront of you
looking more amazing then ever
and you find your self
feeling breathless
how do you stop that?
if i knew how to
it wouldnt have been so hard to look away


Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
--Eddie's Wife"
— Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet in Heaven -

never lose who you are

you know if your ever having
the worst day and you look like crap
and you dont know what your doing or saying
never go and talk to a person you want to
have a gd bond with or someone you look
up to or have alot of respect for.
you would end up making a fool out of yourself
thats what i did.
to that person im really sorry and
i hope you know i wasnt myself.
i truely have alot of respect for you.
am so sorry.anyway
i really like this song.
and i have to speculate
that god himself did make us intocorresponding shapes
puzzels pieces from clay

true it may seem like a stretch
but its thoughts like this
that catch my troubled head
when your away when i a m missing you to death
but everything looks perfect from far away


thought abt you
btw its a different you
dnt get confused
i took time time to realise
that your warmth is crashing down on me
i took time to realise that im on your side
but i can tspell it out for you
no its
nevr rgoing tobethat simple

Jacko this ones for you boy

jacko boy

this post is dedicated to you boy

cause when i use to come back sad and angry

on the worst days

and when i had no one to talk to

cause i was alone at home

you were there

you listened

to eveything i said

even the weird songs i use to sing while making dinner

you heard everything

you know everthing about me

and i am so sad boy that your gone

you were my best friend

times when i couldnt sleep

i would just come down to the kitchen and watch you sleep

and it was so peaceful

watching you go today was the hardest thing i had to do

but you died with my hands around you.

i love you so much

and your a great dog

and no one could ever replace you

i remember when i use to cry alot and somehow you just knew

i was sad

you would come and put you paw on my lap

and just sleep on my lap

boy i want you to know that these last few days with you

i will remember it the most.

the times in the night when ill try to put you to bed and say good night

you made me see

what love is really about

and what it means by a dog is a mans best friend

goodbye jacko

and i hope whereever you are now

your happy

i love you buddy

to people out there who want a dog

let me tell you the sad truth

life with a dog is an extraordinary experience

and its a life with so much love

and sometimes its not easy

but one day

one damn day

you would have to let your dog go

and the truth is

it would beat the shit out of you

but you would have gained a great friendship

one that no human could ever replace or be

to people who have a dog

appreciate every moement you have

with them

and try telling your problems to them

youll realise they are way better listeners

and you suddenly feel a load of your chest

enjoy the beautiful moments and never forget it

2009 in css

selena gomez....you never fail to amaze me
every day:D


SO YEAH lets take one step and a time
and we will get there


and i am so confident to be me
cause of you




thanks alot
so much


anyway i am so tired.like mentally tired
but after my long day of studying
i had a long talk with my pal
and just like our talks always are
it was great
and i realise
2009
has been a smooth ,awesome,fun year
thanks to
memeks
homies
deng dengs and!
the weird moments with some cute teachers like miss chu
today she came into class and she was like
"why you guys look like that? you guys look like a goldfish died in here"
haha my cute weird ch teacher ill never understand her humour
but she is so adorable

my life in css this year has been amazing
thanks all the people who played a part to make it this way

okay i need to sleep and get up to study
olevels..here i come
and you know what
YOUR GOING DOWN BIATCH!
haha okay i am mad
its been a great day

so the non dead nair is back...

yeah i am soooooo tired of you
and what your doing to me
but i cant stop it
cause your you :)

im back.i mean insomia free

i took like three solid days to get my body

to sleep at a certain time and wake up at a certain time

i kind of figured why i was having this problem sleeping

i think its because my mind was not at peace

i was stress and i kept thinking very negative

that whys sad things just happen this week

things i would never expect to happen

i got to stop thinking negative

i caught a fever and flu.

which was quite bad

have been to school for 3 days

teachers must prob think im crazy

but time was not wasted

:)

planning really helps!

omg gossip girl season three was amazing!

Blair -i want you have this

Chuck-why?

Blair-because i love you,you enormously stubborn pain in the ass

and i believe in you and if this makes you believe in you,then

later in the episode

blair:how do you know

chuck-cause you believe in me

awwwww chuck choooooswheeeeeeeeeet

you know i wish i knew what i did

so i wouldnt have done it

so if its something

please tell me.

okay i manage to take a nap

yeah its such a great day .


its all i can wish for..your happiness and well being
and i would do anything to see you happy.
even if its the smallest of things.
:)

tmrw is history re-test for me
so i got to go mug now
im just so happy i manage to sleep for 2hours
i hope the cycle doesnt repeat tonight
that would be damn freeky
haha
oh well
hitler and stalin
here i come!
oh man im becoming lamer than venus
haha