my destiny, my life.....

HATE

2010-03-23T06:07:00.001-07:00

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

AND SO I CAN GO ON TYPING THAT,
BUT IN THE END OF THE DAY
I WILL JUST BE FOOLING MYSELF
CAUSE I CAN NEVER HATE YOU

I HATE WHAT YOUR DOING TO ME

what i feel

2010-03-09T07:40:00.000-08:00

VINDICATED
IN THAT ONE WORD LIES
ALL THAT I FEEL.

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

RALPH WALDO

GUESS SOMETIMES
NO MATTER WHAT IT IS
WE ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE BIGGER
TO HOLD OUR HAND
AND TO TAKE AWAY THE FEELING
OF BLAME

BECAUSE WE KNOW
HE KNOWS THE TRUTH

(GOD)

max and liz..what can i say...awwww!

2010-03-05T12:13:00.000-08:00

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
i loved that part so much
seriously,if it comes down to which couple
i feel most for
i would sure have to say
MAX EVANS AND LIZ PARKER
this two have won my hear over
best tv couple i know

god i love max evans!

ROSWELL!!!!!

2010-03-03T04:33:00.000-08:00

god i love roswell!
i mean its funny and different
and god max evans is so hot!
anyway im going to watch the three seasons for sure
:)

and i think sheetal sheth is soo amazing man!
american indian actress
:)

what a week

2010-02-26T21:57:00.000-08:00

(and looking into your eyes is my escape from the world)

sometimes the only escape to the bad stuff is thinking or feeling you.
alot of unfortunate things happen.and i was staying at venus place for 4 days
honestly i was very well taken care of by her mum and venus.
like when i did closing venus would wait up for me till i get home like at 2am
and make sure i got food to eat.
sometimes it feels nice to be looked after
well venus was truly family this 4 days
and thanks to her cute mum and funny brothers/
im back home
and yes i miss my bed
bet venus misses her's too.
things have finally settled and life
goes on.
recently things have been rather weird for me
and i cant identify or know what im feeling
i know that i dont think of anyone but you still
but i feel weird around someone new.
anyway life goes on.
and i just want to let these small feelings go
before i get hurt.

i still miss you
and i just want it to stop
people asked
if i knew it wld be this hard now
would i have stopped it from happening
i guess i figured the answer
i rather had one experience with you
then a whole lifetime without it.

i still love you.

LOVE, AGRESSION ,ANGER,FRUSTRATION AND PAIN

2010-02-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

Maybe the anger and the frustration
is just blocking the fact that im
really missing you.
and that there is this ach inside
maybe the frustration is just me
trying to forget how im actually mad
with you more than anyone else
sometimes i wish you could see
that it isnt easy for me.

and you know its because of you
venus is getting things she doesnt deserve.
you know venus is the one person that takes so
much from me.
im so sorry pal i truely am.

i hate the way you make me feel sometimes
like life is worth living and all happy and great
when its not that great at all.
i hate how i really want to leave but cant.
i hate how you have freeking no idea that you
caused a small ach in my heart.

you know whats weird
how f%@*&%$ ignorant humans can be.
today i was standing in the train
and a indian pregnant lady was just standing there
no one even bothered to give her a seat
even though they are sitting on the priority seat
please lar
your such a ignorant bastered
your so young and strong and you cant even stand
what the hell is wrong with your damn brain man!
that lady was looking so tired and weak you know.
bloody asshole pissed the shit out of me
he had no freeking balls do be a gentlemen.

and yet again when i feel so mad
and i feeling like hitting something
or throwing something
i think of you
and i think of what you would say to me
to make me better
what the hells wrong with me right?
like i should go check my head right
life and THE f$%^&*$#
THING CALLED IRONY

its been long

2010-02-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

well its been sometime since i blogged.
i guess i just been caught up.
today i kind off feel like letting things out.
2010 has been great so far.things have been slow.
work, fun, church, tv ,movies and the cycle repeats itself.
i like work and sometimes its annoying.but i know people there are great
and nice and fun.im just getting use to it.

things have been rather rough lately.
like maybe i dont want things to go too fast.
like i dont want to face reality
or i am stopping myself from seeing it.
either way its beating the shit out of me.

i cant believe i am sacrificing my faith for my family
and 3 years is a long time.its painful and sad

sometimes maybe people dont get anything
and its better not to tell sometimes.
i rather build walls nowdays
then have to deal with people not understanding
its only when you know how to feel how that person is feeling
you would understand.if you dont..then dont freeking judge
dont make it seem like it is not and issue cause to that person its everything.

i tried asking myself a million questions today..
but i found no answers.
i think ill leave it up to god.
and ill just pray.

and when we meet,im sure we will,all that was there
wlll be there still,ill let it pass and hold my tongue and you will think that i moved on

at one point your were that wonderwall.
now you are what i am today.

part 2

2009-12-06T06:53:00.000-08:00

PHILIPPINES!

2009-12-01T03:12:00.001-08:00

well i needed you

2009-11-23T04:09:00.000-08:00

i just realise

there is over 700 billion people living on earth
and maybe my calculations are wrong
there is more every second
but over 700 billion.
sometimes,
all you need is just one
well i needed you
your were that 1
out of the 700 billion people
and out of the 700 billion people ,i still miss you.

so now im going to leave for Philippines.
and im going to get my well deserved break.
going to miss you memeks!
and dinah and raa!
and homies!

pain comes in stages..if we dont make it
nothing changes
so im just going to enjoy myself now!
haha so long..il be back soon
i want to NOT think about you now

you dont see me but i see you

2009-11-21T06:40:00.000-08:00

(i love this song ..its everything i feel like telling you)atika intro to me
thanks memeks for the awesome times just now
im living for u guys man
and all the other sweet people out there
who are there for me
i love u guys

im standing across from you
And dreaming of the things i do
I don't speak you don't know me at all

For fear of what you might do
I say nothing but stare at you
And i'm dreaming
I'm trippin' over you

Truth be told
My problems solved
You mean the world to be but you'll never know
You could be cruel to me
While we're risking the way that i see you
That i see you (3x)
That i see

Conversations
Not me at all
I'm hesitating
Only to fall
And i'm waiting i'm hating everyone

Could it be you fell for me?
And any possible similarity
If its all how would i know?
You never knew me at all but i see you
But i see you (4x)

I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)
I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)

Truth be told my problem solved
You mean the world to me
But you'll never know
You could be cruel to me
While we're risking the way that i see you
But i see you (4x)

I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)
(4x)

But i see you
But i see you
But i see you

2009-11-19T05:24:00.000-08:00

you know thats exactly what i feel like doing ,taking a bunch of plates
and throwing it.
point is i hate the fact that i miss you.
anyway first day at work was not bad...
my boss seems nice
and people are friendly
VENUS IS BACK
finally and thats awesome
leaving on mon night
okay so so many things happening and technically you should even be in my mind now
BUT YOU ARE.
anyway some people are really making me smile more these days and i dont know why
haha missing memeks too!
seeing mr bohari and venus lim tmrw
Thanks youjing for hearing me out that emo day haha
sorry arh

if i could choose one thing is my life to go my way
it would be having you in my life

waiting

2009-11-15T05:42:00.000-08:00

and thats why its so hard to let go

“ You rarely notice, but I hang on your every word. Wasted Time by Meshell Ndegeocello

and thats why im still waiting ...for a sign
from you

whats the point in waiting right?

how do you say goodbye?

2009-11-12T07:49:00.000-08:00

sometimes when we want to run away ,
time moves so slowly.
but when want to stay,
time is just not on our sides.
The funny thing is
you wish you given everything to
turn back time and make your self not even think about
running away in the past.

point is
for me
one moment,one dream
one smile,one laugh
and one love

thats all we get
only one
cause thats how its suppose to be
loving something that you know
will never be possible

somehow its weird
how ill always remember every bit of the moments i had
that memory is in my heart

and thats how i say goodbye to you
keeping the memories
but losing you

you got me high and i dont even know yet
the sun's in the sky its warming up my bare legs
i cant deny ,im looking for the sunset
its the search for the time before it leaves without you
have i lost my mind,or have you taken all of mine too?

ENGLISH IS DONE more to go

2009-10-26T06:31:00.000-07:00

So english is done .now there is still next week

and the week after to go.

i know its going to end soon

today me and venus were coming up with

how people will be reacting on the day of our

last paper

im hoping to see papers and science books flooding the dustbin

haha but not possible we got to save the enviroment.
anyway meixi is soooooooooo adorable sometimes
even do she makes it so hard to live my life peacefully
so i dont know why

i seem to be in a better mood today

i guess mummy and daddy arnt that bad
they piss me off to the max but in the end before i head to bed they some how make things
better

yesturday went for high tea with my family
quite a fun experience
THERE WAS CHOCOLATE FONDUE!
arh!
i went crazy when i saw it
haha
anyway MR NOEL NAVIN!
MY DEAR BROTHER
STOP STALKING HOT GIRLS !
haha he is such a loser
my bro:hey that girl in the floral top quite hot arh
me:ey yeah quite.y? you know her arh?
mr bro: NO but i want to :D
me: LOSER!

anyway you know whats weird,if leslie(my bros gf was there)
they both would be talking about how hot the girl is
HAHA ! yeah thats why they are meant for each other
but no matter what i know my bro loves leslie so much

anyway so MR NOEL NAVIN GOT A PIC OF THAT HOT GIRL
and i was like EW stalker!

anway my mum made a fool out of herself
she took congee
then she wanted to add pepper
and its quite weird because the salt and pepper was connected to the same bottle
u must know how to use it
then she didnt realise she
actually put salt
and she was like

"you know what this congee is terrible is so salty you know"
and then we were like really arh
then she realise she dumped so much salt in the thing that it tasted like that
HAHA!

anyway daDDY keeps saying sandles is slipper shoe
its call sandals right?
haha

okay so i have a weird family
oh i bumped into syahir yest he was with his family at the same high tea place haha!

ANYWAY KAMBENG KEEPS SAYING ITS FRAPPAY
but its call frapp!
and i know it cause there isnt a toing on top of the E
i mean what kind of theory is that
haha
kambeng needs to take an english course lar

anyway
have you ever felt a moment
when you miss someone and they
keep sticking in your mind
and somehow you want to see them
and boom!
they appear infront of you
looking more amazing then ever
and you find your self
feeling breathless
how do you stop that?
if i knew how to
it wouldnt have been so hard to look away

Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
--Eddie's Wife"
— Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet in Heaven -

never lose who you are

2009-10-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

you know if your ever having
the worst day and you look like crap
and you dont know what your doing or saying
never go and talk to a person you want to
have a gd bond with or someone you look
up to or have alot of respect for.
you would end up making a fool out of yourself
thats what i did.
to that person im really sorry and
i hope you know i wasnt myself.
i truely have alot of respect for you.
am so sorry.anyway
i really like this song.
and i have to speculate
that god himself did make us intocorresponding shapes
puzzels pieces from clay

true it may seem like a stretch
but its thoughts like this
that catch my troubled head
when your away when i a m missing you to death
but everything looks perfect from far away

thought abt you
btw its a different you
dnt get confused
i took time time to realise
that your warmth is crashing down on me
i took time to realise that im on your side
but i can tspell it out for you
no its
nevr rgoing tobethat simple

Jacko this ones for you boy

2009-10-19T05:36:00.001-07:00

jacko boy

this post is dedicated to you boy

cause when i use to come back sad and angry

on the worst days

and when i had no one to talk to

cause i was alone at home

you were there

you listened

to eveything i said

even the weird songs i use to sing while making dinner

you heard everything

you know everthing about me

and i am so sad boy that your gone

you were my best friend

times when i couldnt sleep

i would just come down to the kitchen and watch you sleep

and it was so peaceful

watching you go today was the hardest thing i had to do

but you died with my hands around you.

i love you so much

and your a great dog

and no one could ever replace you

i remember when i use to cry alot and somehow you just knew

i was sad

you would come and put you paw on my lap

and just sleep on my lap

boy i want you to know that these last few days with you

i will remember it the most.

the times in the night when ill try to put you to bed and say good night

you made me see

what love is really about

and what it means by a dog is a mans best friend

goodbye jacko

and i hope whereever you are now

your happy

i love you buddy

to people out there who want a dog

let me tell you the sad truth

life with a dog is an extraordinary experience

and its a life with so much love

and sometimes its not easy

but one day

one damn day

you would have to let your dog go

and the truth is

it would beat the shit out of you

but you would have gained a great friendship

one that no human could ever replace or be

to people who have a dog

appreciate every moement you have

with them

and try telling your problems to them

youll realise they are way better listeners

and you suddenly feel a load of your chest

enjoy the beautiful moments and never forget it

2009 in css

2009-10-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

selena gomez....you never fail to amaze me
every day:D

SO YEAH lets take one step and a time
and we will get there

and i am so confident to be me
cause of you

thanks alot
so much

anyway i am so tired.like mentally tired
but after my long day of studying
i had a long talk with my pal
and just like our talks always are
it was great
and i realise
2009
has been a smooth ,awesome,fun year
thanks to
memeks
homies
deng dengs and!
the weird moments with some cute teachers like miss chu
today she came into class and she was like
"why you guys look like that? you guys look like a goldfish died in here"
haha my cute weird ch teacher ill never understand her humour
but she is so adorable

my life in css this year has been amazing
thanks all the people who played a part to make it this way

okay i need to sleep and get up to study
olevels..here i come
and you know what
YOUR GOING DOWN BIATCH!
haha okay i am mad
its been a great day

so the non dead nair is back...

2009-10-09T05:12:00.000-07:00

yeah i am soooooo tired of you
and what your doing to me
but i cant stop it
cause your you :)

im back.i mean insomia free

i took like three solid days to get my body

to sleep at a certain time and wake up at a certain time

i kind of figured why i was having this problem sleeping

i think its because my mind was not at peace

i was stress and i kept thinking very negative

that whys sad things just happen this week

things i would never expect to happen

i got to stop thinking negative

i caught a fever and flu.

which was quite bad

have been to school for 3 days

teachers must prob think im crazy

but time was not wasted

planning really helps!

omg gossip girl season three was amazing!

Blair -i want you have this

Chuck-why?

Blair-because i love you,you enormously stubborn pain in the ass

and i believe in you and if this makes you believe in you,then

later in the episode

blair:how do you know

chuck-cause you believe in me

awwwww chuck choooooswheeeeeeeeeet

you know i wish i knew what i did

so i wouldnt have done it

so if its something

please tell me.

okay i manage to take a nap

2009-09-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

yeah its such a great day .

its all i can wish for..your happiness and well being
and i would do anything to see you happy.
even if its the smallest of things.
:)

tmrw is history re-test for me
so i got to go mug now
im just so happy i manage to sleep for 2hours
i hope the cycle doesnt repeat tonight
that would be damn freeky
haha
oh well
hitler and stalin
here i come!
oh man im becoming lamer than venus
haha

insomia? again? -.-

2009-09-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

haha yeah and its raining now :)

yeah they say absense makes the heart fonder
somehow its damn true..sometimes its best to just disappear
for awhile.

i wont! no matter how tough it gets

i think i kind of caught on to venus's diesease

kind of weird
i cant seem to sleep as how venus puts it in 'human time'
and its kind of scary. right now its nearly 4am
and ive just been studying ,snacking and studying again and now on the com
oh and its raining
totally fits my mood now

sad your not around to steal away the rain like you always do :D
anyway
olevels is coming man

hais
JC MEMEKS
all the best for your coming promos
i know all of you will be amazing out there and do damn well
good luck and
love ya

i hate holding on to something i know i cant have
but why the hell am i still holding on to it right
i wish i could let it go
the best way to let it go is when your not
around anymore :(

dreams.

2009-09-28T05:36:00.001-07:00

when day by day you just think your living a routine
and one day bam! your leaving sec school soon
guess thats life
and so many things changes
so fast before we could let our eyes see the beauty to life

yeah and it beats the shit out of me

a father...

2009-09-26T05:43:00.001-07:00

my apologies.this post is kind of emo..but where else can i let it out
what are dads suppose to be

seriously.i never asked god for a perfect father
just a human one

but at least a decent one
a father never disowns a kid for making a mistake

a father never says get out and" ill never want to see your face again "
to his kid
"i dont care about you anymore!"

so why did mine do?

sometimes i wished i had a father that i never met
like im one of those kids who just never knew their father
and then i take back those words

when i remember the times when you and mummy were together
and i was primary 2
and you use to take me down and wait for the school bus with me
and you use to tell me weird stories
and how heaven and hell was as we both looked up at the dark sky of the morning
as lame and dramatic as it sounds
you did all that
that you made me and shyama chachie grew up
knowing how to use mac coms and playing com games
that you made us so techno friendly
and to love movies and games
and gave us that childhood

so you shouldnt say i dont love you
cause i do
alot.
that i still thought i had a the coolest and smartest father
but you were hidden behind this unfaithful man
that i never saw.shyama chahcie did but not me
it was your actions that made me stay away from you
because everytime i tried to fake a smile
the anger just filled up my gutts
and i couldnt keep that guilt of keeping something
from mom
i never stop loving you
but i lost that awe and respect i had for you
from the coolest dad you became a jerk to me
now i cant say i want to marry someone like my dad
cause i wouldnt

you dis owned me today for a small mistake

that any teenager would have done
but it hurt like shit
cause today
i lost my dad

they say that in your toughest moments
and when tears ,anger and pain seems to over take you
you think of people you love
im just living for memeks
cause i feel dead inside
of all the shit
thats happening suddenly
and when i start feeling so sad
i thought about you
and how it would have been nice
for you to be around and take the pain away
but i just pray to god to let it go.

i wish in these moments
reality was not reality
and i could live one day
being there with you.
for now please just be my signal fire

somethings to say

2009-09-24T05:11:00.001-07:00

thats is the truth :)

thursdays

2009-09-24T00:44:00.000-07:00

oh man i love the both of you!

found this on tabitha's blog
its soo cool that she likes leighton meester too
anyway did i tell you that leighton meester was born on the same birthday as me
yeah! haha
btw i love her sooo much (leighton meester)
she is soo unique and adorable :D

so anyway i am feeling much better.yest night i took a flu tablet and went to bed

woke up today feeling so much better :)

OKAY I KNOW I AM SO LATE AT SAYING THIS

but i watched the VMAs while taking a break just now and

kanye west...what the hell is wrong with you man!

taylor swift i believe you deserve to win ! your such a nice and sweet person

and Beyonce ...you just made me love you more:)

AND REALISE THAT even though i think lady gaga is a weird person

she actually is damn sweet :D

oh and the MJ tribute was soooo awesome

i dont care what people think and say abt him ill always love MJ

oh and i cant wait for new moon to come out

tmrw we got to report at 10am
just when i thought i could get some sleep do some studies and report at 1pm
they say we have to meet with the principal
damn it.
oh well
life goes on

oh my...chuck and blair...I LOVE YOU!

2009-09-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

oh i must add something funny here
my dear memek atika wanted to tell me to say the three words and eight letters
atika: nair eight words three letters
nair: atika what are you talking about?
atika: oh and starts laughing like crazy
nair:you mean eight letters three words
nair and atika: laughing like idots while waiting at boon lay
interchange

haha

oh i have to brighten my day with pics of the two of them!

i love chuck and blair so much!

fav couple of the year

i am feeling sick

2009-09-23T06:01:00.000-07:00

oh no i am having such a bad flu and it sucks.

its like i couldnt do anything in peace in school.

poor dinah who were sitting next to me had to hear me sneeze and sniff the whole time

haha but i still love sitting next to her .

anyway jacko's face is swelled up near his nose area.
hais he cant see and he bangs against the wall
and he has cuts on his face
gosh my heart hurts so bad seeing my buddy in pain
god please do something

dont think i will go school tmrw .
really not feeling good
but fri is graduatyion cum awards day
yay will see memeks there

anyway
i suddenly like the meaning of this

"now and then when i see you see your face
you take me to that special place and
if i stare too long i probably break down and cry
i hate to look into those eyes and see any ounce of pain'

its been a long week
studying for olevels can be so tiring
but its not long before it ends
sometimes i just want to stop time.
so i can love sec school life more

anyway
damn i missed you by that much!
:(

so god damn hard

2009-09-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

you know sometimes right.
i feel i dont even know why i am living .
sometimes i feel like everybody in this house
doesnt see things from my point of view.
they say i keep to myself.
but did they ever think about how sucky it is for me.
did they even think of how i must bee feeling
they say i keep to myself
but have you guys realise
THIS ISNT A FAMILY
its a damn CORPORATION!
there is communicatuion breakdown.
if you claim there is love in this family
there isnt.
the only love is from daddy and mummy and my brother
who achknowledges that i exist in this big damn house!
you know i do anything for my family.
but what is the point sometimes
i feel so wasted of the fact that they blame me.
they have no idea what i am going through
no freeking idea.

okay ill cool down
ill let it go.
but it hurts big time

anyway this part of this song..gosh its all i feel and want to say right now to you.:)

Ive been roaming around,i was looking down at all i see
painted faces fill the places i cant reach
you know that i could use somebody
you know that i could use somebody

someone like you and all you know and how you speak
countless lovers undercover of the street
you know that i could use somebody
you know that i could use somebody
someone like you

off in the night while you live it up im off to sleep
waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
i hope its going to make you notice
i hope its going to make you notice
someone like me

just a quickie

2009-09-15T05:22:00.000-07:00

was surfing and came across this quote..it really is amazing

how god sends you messages by the little things you come across.

today i got two messages.

so a quick post cause i am in the mids of studying hitler .

btw i always wonder why the hell are we learning about mean bad people that kill so many people...meanies like stalin and hitler....

its funny how we never leanr about the good people .

oh well i still love history.

anyway i just want to say , i am not a NOBODY and i am going to be SOMEBODY!

ill keep telling myself that everyday.

i really feel very blessed today.

i dont know why but i know that

at least somepeople believe in me.

and you know what

IT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO GIVE UP MORE

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

there is no temptation or suffering that your going through that jesus cannot

identify with or give you his superbounding grace to overcome.

this was like the scond message.

the funny thing is after getting the horrible prelim results

i was telling myself that no one understands the frustration and pain and anger i feel

with myself for not being good enough or smart enough or being a last min person.

i was asking myself

where am i going to go with this kind of shit grades.

and i recieved this book today

and i was just looking at todays message and it said this

and somehow my mind felt at peace

god helps those who helps themselves

so i got to take the first step

i am proud of myself

2009-09-13T04:40:00.000-07:00

SO we all got to start from somewhere
this is two of my favourite quotes from the pursuit of happiness

chris gardner: it was right then when i started thinking about thomas jefferson and the declaration of independence and the part about our right to life,liberty and the pursuit of happiness and i remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something we can only pursue and maybe we can never actually have it no matter what.how did he know that?

chris gardner:Hey dont ever let somebody tell you that you cant do something,not even me alright? you got a dream you got to protect it.people cant do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you cant do it.if you want something ,go get it..PERIOD!

everytime i watch this movie ..my hair stands when he say that..because it is so true..why should we care what people think.why should we care if they say its to tough or you cant get it.its our dream ...we got to protect it..and its soo true...happiness,it doesnt come just like that
we got to pursue it..:) THIS IS FOR THE PEOPLE who feel that you cant gety where you want to cause someone says your not smart enough or not good enough..
dont listen to them..fight for it :D

today is the first day i went for a run after a long time

and you know what...i feel really good

everytime i tell myself i want to go for a run

i end up getting lazy,today i told myself i am just going to go no matter what

it feels good..after the three months of unhealthy things i did

i finally have got back on the horse and i am getting my stamina back.

so i am going to continue this good habit.

anyway my plan now is to pick up good reading habits and to broaden my knowledge

this is not only to do well for my english olevels but to learn more about issues that are important today.

so i hope i keep this good habit ...and be consistent :)

your smile

2009-09-12T09:18:00.001-07:00

one that i can never easily forget

one thats always in my mind

one that calms the worst days

:)

DAY OUT WITH MEMEKS
WAS GOOD:D

positiveness!

2009-09-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

i read something on atika's blog just now and it really made alot of sense
when you focus on things you dont want the things you dont want will never disappear.
so why am i focusing on things i dont want.
my priorities will be studying and getting my dreams.
and i am going to pray hard and ask god to help me be focused and not let matters of the heart take control of me.
i cant do that.
i am going to focus on the things i want.i am going to focus on the big things coming for me
and i am going to focus on being a good kid and being good in things i do.
i just have to fill my mind with what i got to do.it would take me away from thinking about sad and unwanted things.
so what i got to do is to
STUDY
when i want to avoid the bad stuff
just get occupied with work
and PRAY
to me church is the most peaceful place on earth.
because all the shit load of crap thats taunting your head
suddenly doesnt seem to be there bothering you.
somehow when you leave ,you feel lighter.
sony mcdreamy
id ont even know why i liked that name.
its not only because i absoulutely love patrick dempsey in greys anatomy
but because i am a kid who never wants to stop dreaming
there is so much ahead
so much more things to feel and experience
why gloat over your missing oppourtunites now
why gloat over the heartbreaks of love
when you know that there is something better coming along the way

we are defined by our opportunities ,even the ones we missed.

i know i love you
and if thats all we can take.
if me knowing it is enough
then just let it be.

Teachers day

2009-09-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

wishing all the teachers out there a very happy teachers day.

you guys make us what we are today.

so anyway yesturday was an awesome day.

even though i didnt get to sleep much cause i was doing last minute mugging

i still manage to remember some stuff for physics

i dont think prelims have gone great

BUT i still have lost my mojo yet i just got my engine warming up.

so anyway i gave my two favourite teachers in the world a teachers day gift

these two people really has helped me so much and i really appreciate them alot.

hope they like their gifts.

seeing memeks in css was soo awesome

i mean it was fun being around our batch peeps

so after seeing the teachers and all memeks decided to head to chevrons to play FUSEBALL!

i love fuseball man
esp with those idiots
as usual dear miss ahchoo had other plans

but it was fun ....after that the people who could eat grabbed a snack at hans and we all sat down and talked
as usual the talk time was good.

okay seriously
its either your dumb,oblivious or you just cant think straight
your contradicting yourself in so many ways
and the stupid thing is
you dont even need to do this
your just screwing things for your ownself
and then later you get emo
what is the point
jeez
i really wonder if your happy now
stop living in this box where you think
what your doing is going to make everything better
stop pretending your life away,
you disgust me sometimes.

anyway
you meet many different people in your life
some people stay and some people go.
the ones who were gone should mean nothing to you
should be taken off your memories and mind.
but you
i hope you live in my memories for a long long time
and i hope your one person who stays

cant stop the feeling

2009-08-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

And how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you

would you tell me how can it be anybetter than this?

you calm the storms.

sometimes it better to just let it all go.even the memories

2009-08-21T04:54:00.000-07:00

this week has been gloomy fun and boring.
mixed feeling i guess.
venus has been sick.hope she is better and is fine
school hasnt been the same for 5 days without her.
kept missing that pigs lame jokes and how she brightens my days
well her health is more important.
hope she takes care.

sometimes i feel
whats the point
you try so hard to get people to understand what your feeling
but they cant
its not easy to understand
cause its my own feelings but seriously
if they did they would see on my part i am so tired of everything in my life ready
all i want to do is just study and not disappoint the people i love
not disappoint memeks
not disappoint mummy and daddy
not disappoint the teachers who are helping me
and lastly not disappoint you

quiet but i am sure there is something here
tell me eveything cause i want to hear.
you know when these days seem tough and hurting
i just close my eyes and think abt one thing that makes me want to
be strong again
and at that moment
all i see its you

time flies
i suddenly dont want to leave sec school
because i feel attached to the memories css has given me so far:(
the more i think about the more it makes me not want to go.

today?
not a bad day at all...........

national day-memeks day-homies day -meixis birthday

2009-08-09T22:11:00.000-07:00

what a great weekend.many things tried to ruine my mood during this weekend.

but in the end of the day i knew my memeks would make that [pain just vanish.

so thursday was meixis suprise birthday party things turned out pretty good haha

vincent failed at being and organiser haha but we all still had a wonderful time.

meixi and vincent have somehow grown on to me.i mean they are two really cute people

that really make my life so much more brighter in school.i appreciate them so much and i think

i dont mind going the extra mile to do things for them like helping out in the birthday celebrations.

very sweet people.and i feel very blessed.
friday for national day in school
even though it felt like containment it was really fun with class 5/1 and dearest dengs dengs.
it was a great day and i had alot of sweet moments to remember of that day when i leave css.
later went out with homies to watch UP 3D.
wow it was so awesome hanging out with them.suddenly you just feel so happy and high
the movie was awesome.sooo cute and funny
me and venus were like laughing at the same lame jokes haha
dunno y arh haha
i teared at some parts i guess i was somehow touched.haha
and as usual the skeptist vincent had alot of things to say like the 3D thing wasnt good enough
haha very cute
he really shld be a critic .

so then after that we decided to grab ice cream.
WARNING NEVER EAT ICECREAM WITH HOMIES
ITS LIKE HAVING A WAR!
haha we bought one tub and vince and macy were like fighting with each other for the strawberry and lemon side.
me and venus couldnt eat our icecream in peace

so friday ended with a bang ...went home and thought abt the beautiful day i had and smiled before i went to bed.
i got so much to thank god.for all the great people i have as friends

saturday was boring and terrible
like i said.saturday was the day that made me feel like thw worst idiot in the world

well i rather talk about sunday
sunday went for atikas bro wedding then celebrated venus and bobos birthday with memeks
then watched the ndp.
we even got to see a guy propose to his gf after the ndp screening ended haha it was so amazing to see that in singapore
anyway watching the fireworks and singing ndp songs with memeks
the word HOME
suddenly had alot of meaning
they said home is where your heart is
well my heart is where memeks were
yesturday we had our arms around each other watching the fireworks
and i just knew
i was home
the pain the anger the constant worry
it just vanished
and you just feel peace happiness and love
YES LOVE
lots and lots of LOVE
because it wasnt anyone else
it was memeks

i love you guys so much

pictures and all will be posted.this is just what happen
during this beautiful weekend
even though it had its pain
this national day was the best i ever had
this weekend was the best

i just wonder to myself
can you live a facade
can you choose to live your life in a lie
can you choose to hide the emotions and feeling you have
reality is hard its asskicking and its heart poking
but ill deal with it
when the one you thought understood
punch you so hard in the heart
that its so hard to recover from the pain
just got to let it go right?

we are all built to make mistakes
sometimes its hard to avoid making the mistake
sometimes we do it not on purpose but because it has become who we are

i guess your words would be edged deep
and ill try not to forget it
meet the whole new me
you should be damn bloody happy now right

when i'm down on the dirt i think of my inspiration
so seriously ...what the hell do you want me to do now?
what the hell do you want me to be?
cause i'm done being something to you

to selena gomez!

2009-07-26T01:04:00.000-07:00

hey i am so sorry i din post this earlier as i had so much things on my mind this week

so i just want to say HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY SELENA GOMEZ.

you TURNED 17 ON WEDS 22JULY 2009

I CANT BELIEVE I AM OLDER THAN YOU HAHA

and the greatest thing was that wednesday was my most luckiest and greatest day haha!

wow!
i hope she had a great day!

so this week has been great
next weeks going to be awesome too
you make me smile please stay for a while NOW
wherever u go ill always know:D

old posts

2009-07-19T02:15:00.000-07:00

i just spent like 30 mins reading all my past posts.
and i just realised something
i am a much happier person
and i really think deeply on things

and the greatest thing i realised
its been always you
since march 9th 2009
HAHA

i was so depressed last year
and i just realise how stupid it was to be depressed.
if only i found you last year
gosh i would have been changed then

i love this feeling your giving me
soooo thinking of you right now
:D

what a day man..just what a day:D

2009-07-16T04:12:00.000-07:00

today.
hmmm
not a bad day at all.
it was amazing
and like a dream
what can i say.
god is great.
he makes us happy by making the things that make
us happy happen
saturday when i go church
i am really going to tell him thanks
cause today
its the happiest i been by far.
great day

its 1 am? ...great i cant sleep haha

2009-07-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

wow its 1am.
have been studying.
anyway i just cant sleep
too alive and high
your still clouding up my mind:D
anyway just wanna say
am thinking of you
gooood night and sweeeet dreams
your in your very own dreamland now
i think now i can peacefully sleep.
haha
lifes has its sweet moments.
your the biggest part of it.

more alive then ever

2009-07-14T04:34:00.000-07:00

i dont know how
maybe its magic
you made me more alive then ever
you know
i walked back to class before combine humans
with the widest smile on my face
miss chu saw it
i think she thought i was crazy
but i was smiling to myself
and i did not care what the people around me were thinking
but its all because of you
my one and only addiction
thanks alot:D

In repair

2009-07-13T03:28:00.000-07:00

so schools been such a gloomy, irritating drag.
guess thats how much i miss you.
okay so anyway .love mondays
because we end super early haha.
anyway i got a new tagline
its call CHILLAXE!!!
okay i know its not new but i think its cool
i bet venus is already irritated with me using it.

my previous two taglines that i used to irritate dear dinah is

"whats up with the sensitivity women!"
or
"what's up with the attitude SISTA!"

haha dinah would get super irritated lar haha
okay i am super random

man i really love homies so so so much
they make me laugh like shit everyday
love you homies

i mean its soo heals my withdrawal symtoms
and my swirly and twitchy emo moments

anyway today i was peacefully entering the canteen with venus for lunch
i was so peaceful inside
till i saw that wasted piece of DNA sitting down and eating and
i was like fuming.

oh well venus cooled me down haha
anyway i just would like to say something thats in my head
seriously if you think you taken away my pride and my happiness
you din
you dont even affect me one bit
you think your outstanding
your not.your a dot to me
you have hurt me alot.
the truth is hiding in your eyes and hanging in your tongue
its just boiling in my blood and you think i cant see

are you even human
something i think i must figure out myself
how did we get here?
when i use to know you so well?
dont know what to say already
but this

okay so thats just me being super pissed
finally thats out

now i just want to say
i am in repair now.
in this super dark days
all i see and need is you
i truely deeply miss you alot
till its swelling in my gutts
till i feel so sick and empty inside
till i want to just scream out
ahhhhh!!!!!
till i want to throw something
just come back now!

stop this train!!!!

2009-07-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

no i am not colour blind
i know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this trainI wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thingT
ill you cry when you're driving away in the dark

no one can help me but me
but it doesnt mean i dont love you all
its not like i wanna be bad
its not like i wanna be weak'

all i keep thinking about is how hopless i am in studies
and all i keep hurting about is the way i am
all i need is a little faith from people
that i am a star and that i can shine
all i need is that faith that i can be someone in life

cried cause out all people i din want you to know
what a bad person i am.'
out of all people
i wanted you to believe in me
i wanted to be someone to you
but its all impossible if i keep going the way i am
i knew the moment i see you
i would stop
i would stop everything
but maybe i am a weak person

i wish i could be a better person

to memeks
i know i am not that strong person anymore.
and i am so sorry.i dont know whats up with me
love you guys

and to you
i wish i din have to be this person
i wish i din miss you din much
to the fact i think i am crazy
to the fact i hate myself for the way i feel
i wish you make me come out of this.
i love you.always have.always will.

jim and pam(the office)US VERSION

2009-07-03T02:19:00.000-07:00

omg jim and pam is just so adorable .i mean i love the office now...

its so funny and i love jim and pam!

time passes fast i guess haha

2009-07-02T23:53:00.001-07:00

oh the pic that was taken on yj's concert night

ahchoo warned me and venus not to be late but guess who was late

she was! ahahaha ahchoo u dont warn us when u yourself cant be early haha

miss memeks alot!!!

met up with atika on weds
it was real fun she came to visit me haha
and give me her invitation card to her bros wedding
i dunno what to wear also haha
anyway

i just realised THREE MORE DAYS :D
ahahaha yay!
cant wait ..the more i think of it the more restless i get
anyway
since i totally slacked yest today i did some productive work
today will be spent studying and maybe getting some proper sleep
last night i couldnt sleep at all.i dont even know why i am so bothered by small issues

maybe its me ..i got major issues with mysellf i guess
haha oh well
forget it

tmrw will be two more days
gosh i think i am the only person in the whole wide world that missed you this much.:D
AND I AM PROUD OF IT! HAHA

BACK TO HISTORY homework!
YAY miss chu is damn cute .
i mean i pity that no one laughs at her jokes but me
but i seriously think she is one hell of a cute teacher and she is so knowledgeble.
AND COOL!
ALL THE WAY MISS CHU!
YOUR THE BEST!I AM SO PROUD OF YOU THAT YOUR A PSC SCHOLAR

okay i am high haha
well of crs i only got to wait for 3 days to pass.

away

2009-07-01T03:04:00.000-07:00

you have been far away

for far too long.:(

just wanna say

right now.

i miss you the most.

5 days more
feeling restless ready

Evade

2009-06-27T09:31:00.000-07:00

sometimes when you feel your being the sloppy second
EVADE...i think thats the best word to describe what i am doing now.
i am evading
plus its not like i need all this bullshit now.
i got other things to think about.
i am so sick of how some people can just pick you when they need you and like dump you away the next second.
i mean its super bloody disgusting of certain people to be like that oh well
i am done

so i cant wait for school to start.
alot of things have been happening
and school starting seems like a good way to evade.
plus your there
and when your there
birds start singing and theres suddenly background music
haha
why am i soo cheesy
oh well
but its true
maybe i am going kookoo
who knows
hahaha

your prob deep in sleep
in your very own dreamland
haha
sweet dreams to you
still missing you:D

transformers 2

2009-06-25T03:30:00.000-07:00

fantastic

i went to watch transformers yest with acha and mum
man it was fantastic,amazing, great,awesome and cool
what can i say lar.its the best movie i watched this year.
btw shia labrouf is very cute haha i cant believe he has grown so much.
he is selena gomez 's crush
haha cute

oh and not forgetting the super extremely hot megan fox
no words can describe how hot she is lar.
she has beautiful eyes
anyway those who haven catch this movie
its a must watch and you should watch the first movie before this one
you would understand better.
this movie is the most anticipated movie of the year and i proudly say its worth going to the theater to see.
its pretty lonog..but youll be so glued to the screen the whole time.
you might want to book tickerts early cause many many people are going to watch it.
best theater to go to is vivo
cause the sound system is amazing.
haha
i love this movie man
i love shia
and i love magan fox!

withdrawal symptoms

2009-06-22T05:21:00.000-07:00

university of california berkely.its so nice.

boston university its huge man

my dream uni.brown university(in winter its so beautiful)

brown uni ..the campus is so nice
so those are one of the few uni's i am thinking abt
okay so i am kind of having withdrawal symptoms.
what is it??...its just separation from people you care abt or so badly wanna see.
i dont even know why i am feeling like this.its just when you dont see someone for so long
and all you wanna do is just see the person..or meet the person..exchange few words.but because
of time,busy schedules,studies,work.
its like i haven seen you in so long..and its like damn exhausting because when i dont see you thats when i gets so twitchy and emo and like start making super awkward conversations with my damn close friends.and when i see you and when ur around i am like soaring through the skies and as free as a bird...and i got a reason to be where i am and i just wanna keep going.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
ill never understand how.
your like some special miracle water or something.
you know i miss you.
and you know i wanna see you.
so please stop giving me mental torture by being mia
haha

secondly...i miss memeks so much again
its like all i keep doing is looking at the pics taken on the 18th of june and laugh and smile
mummy thought i was mad cause i was laughing at the laptop.
point is when ever i am with them
there is meaning in life again.
its like i wanna look forward to the future.
there is so much coming for me.
so so so much
you know secondary school its not even close to what the real world is about
and knowing that i am getting closer to the real world
gosh its so scary yet exciting
daddy always keeps saying
the world out there is wicked
and we have to work our way up
people are not that nice.

i guess he is somehow right
its like we got to not only look at the rosy paintings of our future
but the dark sides too
cause then we will be more prepared to handle certain obstacles that come our way.

i got this card which was a quote from the bible.
it somehow just had so much meaning to me
i am not preaching haha just saying
"With God all things are possible." - Matthew 19:26

its also the same as if you believe in something..its possible.
it may not have to be god..
but if you believe in your self its also possible

i am never the religous type i dont pray much
but i know one thing
god has plans for us
and sometimes'
if we loose something in life..we gain something else
so keep believing
i am ready to fight whatever challanges i may face going down the road to my future aspirations
and nothing will come in the way of me and going to states.
its not a dream that i only thought abt in the later years of my life.
its not just a dream i just came up with or suddenly decided
i have been dreaming abt going states and staying since i was five..
since i was watching tv in the living room with my aunty in ang mokio and saw this USA documentary and how my aunt was telling me abt it..
i was 5 and i knew that was the place i wanted to go.

memeks day 2009

2009-06-19T17:52:00.000-07:00

this was the pic taken when we were having dinner at pizza hut
i think i was talking to bobo thats y i looked like that haha

memeks went to sentosa beach for
our memeks day.we decided that 18th of june
would be memeks day as it was the day we stepped down
from the band.so on 18thjune we were one year old haha
it was a great day.i mean i missed them so much
and in the night we just spend time talking abt the future
one amazing thing abt having a family like this.
its so easy to communicate and there is so much of love and care
so yeah haha here are some pics

me and my pal.even though venus doesnt have a proper nose
bridge haha she looked awesome with her sunglasses.

before heading to the beach..while walking

whats up with yj face hahaha

haha i dont know what i was doing ...

we head to palawan beach .they were having some summer fest thing
its kinda weird cause for singapore
ITS SUMMER EVERYDAY haha

yes the two china nuts haha..i still love them

while crossing the bridge haha

our cake haha it was damn nice.(cheesecake)

atika and yj

me and yj! haha

bobo was just so shy haha

the threesome

one candle for memeks!

hey can u see me i am right behind haha

so thats how i looked from the back

bobo and pal

ahchoo comtemplating on life and thinking of how its all abt eating
KFC student meal hahahaha

i dunno what the hell venus is trying to do lar haha

venus with the same face..spastic lar

i was like enjoying the view in the front haha

5heads

setting up the tent..was very funny..esp atika and bobo sick convo

saifuls artwork..looks alot like him

bobo and his tree trunk legs haha

i dunno why they took this pic.i just finished changing haha

AQUA GIRL(INSIDE JOKE)

WHAT KIND OF FACE IS THAT AH CHOO???

yeah venus trying to be cool..haiz this idiot did alot of stupid things that day

i was so exhausted after playing frisbee..its like i and venus were running arnd like mad dogs

what can i say...yj 's got a big head

S.S

okay i totally dont agree that my shades looks fierce

haha i think memeks was making fun of me cause of something i did

nice pic ...with saiful legs as a background

saifuls got the sick stalker look haha

waa the most awesome pic of the season
venus looks like bugsbunny

bobo i dunno what ur doing

cornets

okay i really wanted to take a nice pic
and then it was totally ruined haha

me and my dearest pal

going back to change

memeks it was an awesome day.
i had a bad morning but it all changed when i went to meet you guys.
thanks for making my day
i love you guys so much.
its outings like these that heals the pain
happy memeks day 2009

its freeking weird

2009-06-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

i dont know how.but i know its freeking weird cause people in our past have a way

of coming back to us and have a way of helping us move forward.

we all think once we lost someone they are totally gone....

this can apply to anything ...friends..old love...family members.

sometimes i guess its gods way of making us heal from wounds.

anyway my only cure to this bad days has been very M.I.A

and its soo irritating haha cause

your the only one i need right now

my dear pal has been giving me weird reasons to why ur so M.I.A
i just laugh at it...but i still miss you so much
its hard to not think abt you..when your all i have left

anyway venus ..thanks alot for being such an amazing friend.

you know i was going through a heartach and u came to stay over to keep me company
and cheer me up.it really help
so whats the problem?
the problem is....
now i like this super blend chicken rice that dont even have chicken
and venus knows that this rice its like c5 standard and know i deserve so much better.
haha pal that really made me feel better.yeah and i totally agree with you
haha chicken rice without chicken.....i dont need you...

but when am i going to get my nice A1standard bbq chicken rice????
ill wait.
but thanks venus and yj(for the advice and the company these days)
and all the other memeks...all i need right now is you guys and i am happy alright
you guys also make me feel alive and human again
i miss each and everyone of the memeks.

you know to think abt it i already have my a1 standard chicken rice...
haha its you!
your all i need somehow.
you would always be the one..
its always has been you i guess.
just some passer by came in the way.
i am back
i am out of the complicated garden salad
and back to the normal simple green salad i always loved.
y did i love it??
cause u were in it.

light up...

2009-06-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

i had enough of this parade.
i am thinking of the words to say.
and then after so long i listened to snow patrol-run
and it felt like everything i was feeling.
for all this time...
i really thought i was somebody.
but today i felt like a nobody.
i felt like that i cant be happy ever again
i felt like everytime i found happiness.
its ripped out of my life.

this song.i feel its says all i want to say
to you
i guess
i am so exhausted and tired of all this
this row of events.
god i am done.
pls stop hurting me with more

some dads are jerks
never knew mine wld be the biggest jerk in the world
its a shame.
and it hurts
reality hurts

its fate

2009-06-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

i felt every ounce of me screaming out.

but the sound was trapped deep in me.

putting up that strong front and that fake smile.

maybe you see right through me.

maybe?

you know they say that everything happens for a reason.
so maybe you coming and me asking you finally.
maybe its all meant to be.you got to be the one to save me
cause i dunno how long i cant take this.i wanna die sometimes.
you got to be the one to help me please.
your meant to be...this is all fate.all those row of events that lead to today.
it has to be you.
you came into my life this year for reason
your stood infront of me today for a reason.
it has to be you and no one else
you have to be the one to make me decide.
olevels ,love every little aspect of my life.
you got to be the one to guide me.
its you...
i need you
esp now

tmrw ...its just a few hours away.

2009-06-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

today i did not go to school.
so tired.
stayed home to do amaths.
i am done with mr .L and how he doesnt believe in me.
i am done with his darn comments.
just watch and see mr L

anyway tmrw is the day!
haha i am so excited.
i guess

gosh i miss you so much.
i know our timings keep clashing.
you dont know how much i just want to go up to u
and tell u ,i miss u.
but i need to keep my cool.
cause as u know if i dont.ill crack
haha
ill see you tmrw
keep saving me from all the pain kay?
cause your keeping happy inside
you always seem to be saving me
your all the love i need somehow.
and i dont want you to go anywhere.

i really feel so helpless.

2009-05-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

you know i really feel helpless.

i really feel like this idiot who just cant do anything for you.

i really feel like someone who prob doesnt mean anything to you.

you know i really feel the pain more and more and more.

you know i am tired of being around this.you know i am tired of not being able to do anything for you.

you know my heart hurts so bad.
you know your clouding up my mind
i cant think,i cant do anything,i just stand and worry.
it hurt me today.
and it'll hurt me from now on
i am sick and tired and i cant do anything without thinking of you.
please stop sitting so hard on my chest with everything u do.

what would you know
when u just see right through me!

haiz u know when i feel so mad,sad ,happy or just useless.

i just go and sit infront of jacko and watch him sleep.
the way he just peacefully sleeps calms me.
and then i tell him whatever that is running through my head.
and somehow he seems like he is listening and actually understanding me.
and i just feel better.i mean he doesnt have to say anything.but by just not saying anything
he just gives me all the answers i need.
the thing abt a dog.
they dont care if ur a good kid bad kid,if ur ugly,gorgeous,fat or skinny
they still love you anyway.
they still make you feel like your are the only world to them.
only a pet could make u feel that extraordinary.they dont loose faith in you.
they dont hold a grudge after u scold them or shout at them.they wld still come running to u
wagging their tails.thats how a dog is.they never stop loving you.
jacko he is getting old.and nowdays he is pretty much blind and he cant walk properly.
my heart hurts seeing him like that.
everyday while he is sleeping i have to check if he is still breathing.
i say good nite to both jacko and barney .and i say good morning to them.
before i leave the house i tell them.
they are everything to me.
and today i just want to say .the most peaceful time in my day
is in the night when i say goodnight to my dogs and watch them sleep.

they say a mans best friend is a dog.
that line suddenly is so true
i love you jacko boy.
please if your going to leave this world soon
make sure you go when i am around boy.
you are the best problem listener i ever had
and the best dog.

i could find 10 excuses

2009-05-30T05:46:00.000-07:00

monday is mt olevels exams.and i feel prepared .

i am just going to do the best i can after all.i took tamil for 10years so

i must be good at something that is tamil.haha.

today was called"dooms day" for most of the sec 5s as it was meet the parents .i somehow din have to go even to my results were very terrible.but i guess my mum would be getting a call soon about it.
good thing i mentally prepared her already.

so many thing coming my way and i got to think abt so many things.

things like extended timetable ,night study,adoption proggrame.
so much work to complete so much subject pacts thrown at our faces.
so much test and mock papers coming up.
talk about feeling the pressure!yeah totally

gosh now its really that period.
the blood sucking period where every
minute counts.

i could find 10 reasons to bail from asking you.
i could find ten reasons to be a coward and run.
but deep down i know this is the only chance i got
the only shot i got.
somehow i know this is meant to be .because i know ill ask you.
somehow i know ill get this opportunity because i have been dreaming abt it for damn long
somehow i know that your the only one who can help me,who can lift me up,who can make me fly again.
so why run?why think of pride and dignity?
i rather swallow all of it for you.
because i know if i dont ill regret it for the rest of my life.
what can i say.your all i have.
sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
i am going to do this!
ITS TIME I DO.
AND I HOPE YOU WOULD BE OPEN TO GIVE ME THIS BIG CHANCE.
because you are the only one who can save me.

today was boring

2009-05-28T03:51:00.000-07:00

mt camp is like finally over tmrw.
haiz alot to do now.
amaths
tamil.
two subjects aint on my happy list.
haha i guess my moods way better cause i had good laugh while leaving school with phyll ,dinah and gang haha.
hey phyll
dont go soo gay can.
haha u crack me up alot when u are.haha

and dinah please improve on ur spoken english
private became pribird
ladder became larrer hahahhaha

me:haiz effendi if u punch me ill tell "you know who"
dinah:i dare u nair!
me:i dare,give me one month
dinah:i bet you it will never happen
me:u wait and see!

haha i still haven complete both phyll and dinahs bets
haiz i will..need some time.

anyway i also had a great conversation with dear lil miss quiet
haha she is very cute lar
she actually cried cause she couldnt do maths
haha
gosh haha
anyway lil miss quiet is right lar
love must come at its own time .
dont chase it
waa lil miss quiet always makes alot of sense.
maybe it was too fast and maybe i was chasing it
so now i just let it go and let love take its own time

haha
you are the biggest inspiration in my life
and u keep me going on the days i want to die
i would never stop feeling the way i feel for you
because you make me a better person everyday.
you make me feel alive again
when no one else had that power to
you are the greatest gift
this whole world has to offer
and i thank god i have you

seems like more than just a word

2009-05-27T06:49:00.000-07:00

today was boring with the whole mother tougue camp.

trust me one whole week of tamil aint fun at all.

well life goes on
all the best for olevels my dear sec 5s
strive on!

EVERYTHING i do
i am doing it for you
even if you dont realise its you i am doing it for'
i would give it all up
i would let it go
thats the way its suppose to be

love
its more than just a word
sometimes its in the things we do
and my love it doesnt have to be seen by you
but i know its there.
but how do i love silently?
when i so hate to
how do i stop caring
how do i let you go when ur right infront there
how do i stop loving you.

gosh its so weird
the way i am feeling nowdays
atika trust me screaming at the reservoir now
seems like the best way to get out our aching hearts.
ill see u tmrw.

nobody said it was easy...

2009-05-26T04:24:00.000-07:00

come up to you.

tell you i am sorry ,you dont know how lovely you are.

i had to find you,tell you i need you.tell you i set you apart.

tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,oh lets go back to the start.

nobody said it was easy.no one ever said it wold be so hard.

no one said being the good person or friend was going to be the hardest

no one looked into your eyes and told u

THAT FALLING Is LOVE IS SO GOD DAMN HARD!

why is it me this time and again

and why the hell is it you

i am sick.oh man

2009-05-20T17:45:00.000-07:00

i just got this bad flu and sore throat.

and i feel so weak and tired.i guess my body needs some rest.

even though i dont see you today.am still thinking of you:D

so i think ll spend today catching up on amaths and tamil.lots and lots of tamil.

olevels is in a week.and i am super freeked.and on top of that mdm malar(a.k.a flower)

doesnt believe we can do well...haiz oh well we just have to work hard on our own.

i think i am just not ready.am still stuck on you
i think i just dont want to enter sticky situations.
in many ways i rather just run from this..
i know myself well.from all the things i learn from
what happen to me.running away is the best option sometimes.
but it aint easy.gosh i really dont know what to do sometimes.
with you.its impossible to run away.you make me so happy sometimes even without you needing to do anything.

oh well

chuck and blair
finally chuck bass said it in epi 25
"I LOVE YOU TOO"
WOW MAN
FINALLY AND SHE WAS SOO TOUCHED
HAHA I AM SO SO SO HAPPY WITH GG ENDING OF SEASON 2
i love chuck and blair.
:D

sundays

2009-05-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

its a sunday.and i am so tired and sick.

haha i guess school tmrw might be a drag.but your going to be there.
so i got nothing to worry about anymore.

i cant go anywhere without missing you.its a diesease.

haha.

and then.
there you go.
there you go again
racing through my brain
and i just cant contain
the feeling that remains

there you go
there you go again
pulsing through my veins
and i just cant contain
the feeling that remains.

there you go
there you go again
chasing down my lane
and i just cant contain
this feeling that remains.

haha lifes got alot to give
sometimes we got to sit back and enjoy it.

quote

2009-05-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

i dont know why but i really like this quote

"i may never get to see you as often as i like.
i may not get to hold you in my arms all the time
But deep in my heart i TRUELY know that your
the one that i love.
and cant never let go"

hmm nice quote haha.

bored on a sat morning doing amaths.
i seriously need a life!

its you ...its just you

2009-05-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

i had the worst day and then i walked out.

i walked out and there you were.the way you always were

.just walking..

just being you.and i become speechless

i loose my anger and hatred for having the worst day.

and for that moment.i want to say something.i wanna scream and complain to you.

but i just keep quiet i just not say anything.cause i dont wanna ruine the moment.

but the pain of holding all in and not being able to say it kills me.

it kills me deep...because your you

and i am me.and this imaginary line that defines the two of us is so god damn long that i cant cross it

no matter how much i want to.

no matter how much i wish to.

but i lost my anger and i started to smile.and for that moment.i forgot the line....that imaginary line.

hope your feeling better.
ill be around.

gone away

2009-05-11T05:44:00.001-07:00

I�ve been hiding letters and photographed frames to forget your name
We were never meant to be this damn broken
Words were never meant to be this half spoken
Fallin� in the space between the universe and all we see has gone away
Gone away

let it go.

2009-05-11T01:56:00.000-07:00

omg the the swat guy from pp that dates addison
his name is kevin on the proggrame.
he is so cute .
haha love him!

the private practice cast

star trek movie.a must watch

blair and chuck

i spend my break just watching pp.and i love pp alot
i still love greys but pp isnt like normal hospital doctors.
they care abt paitients differently
shonda rimes is excellent
she is the creater of pp and greys anatomy two of my fav shows
and she is soo good and making both shows unique

so its monday and there isnt school.

so tmrw is back to school.and normal lessons.

finally.i missed normal lessons.

well so i am going to give my reviews on movies and my proggrames haha.

so i went to watch star trek that day with acha and mum.

the movies was really great.i think even people who arnt trek fans or dont like science fiction might enjoy it.

the effects and story line is great.and u dont really need to know what the whole star trek story is abt to watch it.

so great movie.

anyway i watched my private practice last episode of the season 2.gosh its left just standing on the cliff.haiz i swear if naomi leaves the practice its going to be so sad and if violet gets hurt its going to be so sad cause she and pete just made amends to be together haha.

i cant wait till pp season 3 comes back in the fall.haiz i hate cliffhangers...

so gossip girl episode 23 was awesome but so sad for chuck and blair fans cause chuck told her that its all a game ....

haiz i love chuck so much and so what if he is a bad ass.
i bet he lovs blair more than nate.
and the only reason he is walking away from blair is cause he thinks he cant make blair happy he cant offer to her what others can.he knows that and so he walked away.he sacrificed cause he know nate is better for her.thats y he din fight.haiz. he may not make her happy enough like how nate can.
not because he doesnt love her.
but now she thinks he doesnt
awwww i love chuck
i just want him to get blair!!!!
haiz.

i love tv shows and movies.
but this weekend was just a very small break after midyears.
back to work tmrw
back to revision.

well lifes goood
we just got to find whats good in it.
and whatever that is bad we got to let it go.
just let it go.
cause once we have.
its a start to something good.:D

magic?

2009-05-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

so mid years are over.and t all moms out there happy mothers day.no love is like a mothers love.

so anyway i was just thinking ,sometimes right dont you just feel your life just falls into the routine.

haha its like everything just sort of goes a certain cycle.yeah i mean wheres the magic?

i keep wondering what the hells the magic in my life?

i mean sometimes we all need it.we all need that magic. that special thing that booms enters ur life.

i got this gutt feeling something bigs coming for me..and this feeling is been there recently.

so that MAGIC..its COMING i just know it haha

back to normal lessons next week.

yay! finally.

i believe pain makes us grow.
so people who think your going through pain.
trust me it makes us better people ,much stronger people.
its made that we have this pain so that we learn .
but dont fall into the hole again after u come out
thats when its starts to go in to danger zone.
best thing
STAY AWAY! dont even get close to something u know ur going to fall in to.
better to save yourself
early then later.

theres so much meaning in your name.
like its gods way to tell me not to give up and move on.
your god sent.and i am sorry i noticed it now cause i was blocked by something.
but i am here now...so i am finally opening up to other doors.finally.
thanks to u.

MAGIC!! ITS COMING! HAHA

you know

2009-05-05T05:11:00.000-07:00

This myes is not what i am capable and i swear i am not going to let the whole u walk in the exam room thing without being prepared for a paper feeling again.
ill learn and work harder and do more revision.
ill keep fighting.
haven lost my mojo yet.
and i definitely haven lost my inspiration.
i feel so tired cause i have been sleeping during odd hours and i feel tired when i do my papers.
this week aint that fun without you around

its been 5 days
5days since i have seen i have seen or heard you and already i am dying.
this totally isnt fair you know haha.
i kinda miss you soo much.
i mean especially this week i wish you were around the most.cause i felt so weak this week.
like when ur around i get high and strength to carry on.i wish you around this week because i am getting over alot of things this week...and your the only cure to this uneasy pain that comes in and out .i understand u must be busy with exams and all.
but i just wish you were around more.esp this week.

if i could have one wish right or one demand.
i wish to see the world through your eyes.
because i think if i had that power.
alot more colours wld be painting in my life right now.
i know ill see you soon.
but your already taunting me by being so
M.i.A haha
oh well i know ill see you around.

happy 101th post ! haha

2009-05-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

today was simple.stayed at home and homies came over

studied history with them.manage to clear two chapters.

so yeah ,somehow i feel so pathetic being in secondary school.

people my age are prob talking abt jc and poly stuff now.

oh well life goes on hahahaha

plus i really dont mind school.

they say right that when the hearts contented so is the mind

its like everything falls into place.

feel like my life has.

must study harder..haha a fighter never stops fighting.

olevel is just like a step.but its a tough step.but i am glad i am supported by people i love

i think thats very important.to have someone there to take the load off you know.

got that .yeah!

anyway quote

"there you are standing right infront of me"
"all this fear falls away to leave me naked"
"stay forever cause i need you to guide me to safety"
"in my confusion and the aftermath,you were the signal fire"
"the only resolution,the only joy"

the words fit perfectly to my life haha

meixi is like damn weird haha
its like we were walking to the shop right then got this woman who is dressed fairly well with a dress and then meixi said
her dressing is so last year . haha
and meixi was liked dressed in fbt shorts and school pe tshirt.
i mean the worst thing to do right is to comment on someones dressing when ur dressing is worst.
hahahahhahah oh lim meixi the things you do in life arh...

then i wanted to say anonymas then the word canme out as inonymas
then meixi wanted to correct me
she corrected my saying amomymas

lim mei xi u want to correct someone right correct correctly! hahahaha
gosh i shld write a book abt u lar
funny people

miss memeks lar
u guys better meet this friday lar
got lots to update u guys abt

i think got decide to do me justice this week lar'
haha he made good and coincidental things happen this week.
it was like destiny!

myes

2009-04-29T06:33:00.000-07:00

its not been good so far i screwed two papers.
after the s.s paper i just lost it.
i couldnt think or do anything
but a fighter never stops fighting and ill learn and pick myself up.
its just how life gets to us.
anyway ill just tell a joke or something now
our dear dear meixi is very inteliigent sometimes
in the english paper yest ,there was a word in the vocan called alien
which actually is suppose to mean
strangers
but just like i said our dear meixi is soo smart that she decided she had to write down the actual meaning

and her meaning is quote"a creature from out of space"
plus a clear annotated diagram of what an alien is suppose to look like
hahahahaha meixi ,u know your going to be damn popular in the staff room now haha
the things you do really makes me laugh like shit haha.
but ur really rock lar homie

anyway memeks!
i miss u guys!thanks for wishing me and venus for myes
i know u guys are going through so much stress
if i could i would murder the people who are making u guys stress
but hold on alright we will meet soon guys
lots to update u all abt school
love u all.

arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
where are you!!!!!!miss you like crap!!!
making me worry like this isnt good you know
come back fast.and dont be too stress okay
take it easy,i know it aint easy
but you shld be strong cause no matter what
your still the best at what u do!your still amazing at it.
and your still something to me:D
i am not giving up on myself because of you.

what a weekend!!!

2009-04-26T07:09:00.000-07:00

so i had a great weekend ...it was awesome
even though i am mugging for mid year.
feel very motivated.haha.
so sat morning went to school in the morning
to have lessons with my FRIENAMY!
gosh haha .but she can be funny at times
but i got to make it clear .i got nothing against her
i just think ....we just cant click...
haha
anyway shakz cut her hair short.
anhd she felt so weird abt what people might think
haha dont worry deng-deng it just needs getting use too
and u look nice!

love saturday!!!!!
haha yeah man
after lesson went to consult miss chu.
yeah she is one hell of a dedicated teacher.
i have alot of respect for her
and i think she is super cute at times haha
she rocks lar
after that went to home to take a nap and waited to meet venus
venus came over and both of us went to west coast plaza and studied at the
starbucks
it was really nice .me and venus took a drink and a bagel and sat to study s.s
love studying there cause its not crowded
think i wld wanna go there often with venus haha or atika who loves studying at starbucks

venus lappy crashed so she brought it for my dad to fix it.
now she has a fast running laptop running on windows vista haha
yeah pal u came to the right person haha]
hope ur happy with my geeky fathers help haha

so today notout with acha and moming
went to jp walked around and went for a movie
the international
pretty good movie .it makes u understand that sometimes u can try so hard to correct something
but sometimes u just cant. something like that haha
then later went came back and went to jp again with my bro and christine my cuz from germany.
i met her when i was very little .but she is really nice and fun lar haha
and her accent is cute .very german.I GOT MY PP SEASON 1 hahah yeah man!!!
then later went for dinner with the family and christine .

great day!!!:d GOING TO STUDY nw
tmr there is school
BUT I DONT MINd school at all!

you know you really made my day!
why are u just so freeking amazing?!
and u really can make me laugh u know
haha seems like a long way to go from here
but i dont care as long as ur here!
miss you already.
hmm just like people say
life has its suprises
waiting for mine....

impossible is nothing!!! haha

2009-04-22T23:20:00.000-07:00

so anyway i did not go to school today as i felt like a total loser for wasting

yesturday just sleeping so i needed to make up for the time...myes starts next week

but oh well just like adidas says nothing is impossible ...i got to study hard...dont give up yeah

miss memeks .hopefully i get to see them tommorow. love the sound of fridays !!! its like freedom.

anyway venus came up with this super lame joke on how if ur sir name is tan and you have a kid

the kids english name shld be sun and the chinese name shld lau shen so in the end u get "sun-tan lau shen" which is suppose to sound like sun-tan-lotion

gosh pal i really dont know how u come up with these jokes and it just cracks me up.

meixi has a new phase now its call the bimbo face.i guess mx was always a bimbo but now shes got this whole paris hilton bimbo thing going on with the snapping of the fingers and the whole

TTYN thing WHICH MEANs TALK TO U NEVER .HAHA 1GOSH I GOT WEIRD FRIENDS BUT STILL LOVE THEM!

anyway how can i not care

when your such a smiling sweetheart!!!!

i know ,you know that i am not fond of asking

true or false that may be.your still out to get me:D

I CANT WAIT FOR MYES TO BE OVER even though thats not the end cause i still got olevels

but i hate the whole exam feeling .haha

it will be over fast

i hope

my birthday fiesta that lasted for three days

2009-04-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

i know i am a little late to talk abt my birthday but i have been busy.

ill post pictures soon but this post is just to thank people who cared abt my birthday and

to say how touched i am .so thursday was my birthday.9thapril 09 oh yeah happy belated birthday leighton meester and kristen stewart love u both!

THURSDAY 9TH APRIL DAY 1

so anyway thursday was a simple day but i was touched by many things that happen.venus decided to prank me in the morning saying that she wasnt planning to go to school.haha i totally fell for it i even cried cause my bean stalk wasnt going to school on my birthday.

but later during assembly that beanstallk walked pass me hahahahaha.okay so normal morning i fasinated abt the big ass fan ,read my book....look out for u.....haha then saw u ....haha hope u knew it was my birthday! haha u must have lar!

anyway so then meixi came and sat next to me during assembly with a gift from her and her juicy lucy twin vincent .never expected a gift from the homies that made me laugh and i was sosoo touched .her card said"happy birthday may all ur beautiful and gorgeous dreams come true .haha so life goes on but dont worry life is soo awesome wih meixi around" haha thanks alot homies u dont know how touched i was by what u guys did and cared for my bday.the pictures of all the stuff i got will be posted.

another group of people is the deng-dengs .they got me the twilight dvd and a letter with obviously selena gomez pic there haha .they were so sweet and i love all of them very much i am glad to have met u guys in 5/1 love laughing with u guys abt lame stuff.

so in the night i spend time with family before that went to hang out with bobo and venus at jp had subway and shred alot haha.in the night my dearest sister shyama nair got to saw me cut my cake all the way from america cause of the beautiful invention called a webcam.got somemore gifts from my dear cousins and i lovd that simple time with my simple family.
love that day yesh!cause i also got to see u!

FRIDAY 10TH APRIL DAY TWO

i went to pray in the morning and had a chinese vegetarian lunch with my aunt and cuzzins great food .nice time.
and later me and my mum had a nice time having coffee at gloria jeans city hall while waiting for memeks to meet me.got to really talk to my mum share with her everything ..i told her alot and i guess my mum can see through me alot .we may fight but she is my mum in the end of the day.

later was the time i was waiting for .went to meet memeks at thai express and we had thai food cause i absolutely love thai food and this has nothing to do with venus lim.they cut a cake and made a wish.

after that we all went to sit at the esplanade roof top and talked laughed took photos .later went to see the singapore flyer for the first time.damn fun and i went with the greatest people we had so so so much fun that we were so tired on the way back home.loved my birthday with memeks.

thanks memeks for the zinc bag and the memeks badge.i cried when u guys gave it to me because i was so overwhelmed .so many things i recieve from people that cared.and finally the cloud that was blocking me from seeing the people who actually cared for me from the people who dumped me like shit and ran away which i wasted my heart on.thats y i cried that day.cause i realise what an idiot i was for 2 years.i love my family and i love u guys alot.

saturday 11 april day 3

spend my time with acha and mum!!!!! haha acha came back from phillippines he bought so so so many things for me from jeans to an addidas watch to twilight books THE WHOLE SET to korean dramas i dunno i was so shocked .and i love my father soso much he is a techno geek but he is so cute and funny at times and he is cool cause he loves things i love like movies.

in the evening WE WENT TO BUY MY REAL BDAY GIFT A NEW PHONE AND LINE!!! haha i finally got my hands on my htc and we went to eat at thai accent in vivo city cause i love thair food!!! hahaha and we went to watch fast and the furious which i found damn cool cause the cars was amazing so so cool ....and the actor was hot and so was the actress so the whole thing was just amazingly awesome me and acha were like talking cars after the movie .this is what father and daughter chre a damn close bond we talk abt many things.and my mom!!! i love my bus pipty two mom whose phillipino accent is so cute that it even amuses venus so so much haha...u know she may not be educated but i love talking to her abt my life and listening to what she has to say and her advices.. ilove u mum and acha and thanks for everything u have done for me .it was awesome!
i love u so so much! everyone who cared and wish me and thought of me and bought me stuff.thanks so much.i turned 17 being a happy gift and this birthday it was different as i realised so many things.

and lastly to you.
thanks ! if it werent for u i would be down in the dirt with the same diesease!
i love what u made me become and looking at u makes me want to change .
you saved me ..and i dunno how else i shld say it
but thank u so much.
i wish i could do something for u
but i am sure u wont need anything

u said prioritise!
am doing now for you!
cause if u can so can i

so anyway pictures will be up soon ...haha
damn i shld have gone to school today
oh well hahaha

dinah i am going to burn ur red shoes!!! hahahaha
kiddding
signing out with a smile :D

last few hours of being 16

2009-04-08T05:25:00.000-07:00

i just wanna say no matter what i am proud of cmb.

they played with so much of love for the music that it made my hair stand.so i dont bother

what medal they got that never matters the music u guys produced took me away for that moment.i am sure all of you loved this process of syf.music is something all cmb members have in common.it differentiates us from the rest of the regular students.

my dear cmbians.musicians are extarodinary .its not the medal we get its the talent we have.
which other person has the power to make someones hair stand like that by playing such beautiful music.
thats why we are extraodinary.and no one can take that away from us.so i am proud of each and evryone of you

BE EXTRAODINARY AND LOVE THE MUSIC thats what matters!:Dso its my last few hours of being sixteen.and i am just thinking about my life.things i went through and how much i have changed from the way i was.

i have changed so much and in a good way.i am happy and blessed to have so many people that care abt me.so i thank god for all the blessing he has given me.

people i love.people i have loved.people that have hurt me ,people who have loved me.people who made me happy.

its all made me who i am today.the choices i have made and the person i have chosen to become.
i had been down on the dirt before ..i have been soo dead inside but now i am here all happy and excited for my birthday.no complications.i am happy.

things really change.its the choices u make.its the people u choose to see...i made a choice to be happy for once in my life.

and i am here hahahaha.

thanks to the people who made me what i am today.

i am so excited for tmrw.
i mean i am excited to be 17.
with memeks ,homies,dangsdangs,family
and lastly
and most importantly
you.
your one of the reasons i am smiling everyday
gosh ur amazing.haha
i love memeks!!!!!!!!!
i love the homies who make me laugh!
i love dangs dangs haha
i love 5/1
i love cmb
i love my teachers(ms chu!,mrs audrey thum!,ms shyam!(even though ur not my teacher)
i love my family,parents

i love you you you!!!!!!

for atika who is now 17!

2009-04-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

hey i know i am like two days late on the posting but

yeah this is for atika ,for her birthday on the 2nd of april.

yeah this genius was born on the 2nd of april 1992

just posting to say we all hope you enjoy life,get all u want in it,and always is happy

we also hope that our tradition of celebrating bdays together will continue.

hope u enjoyed the dinner at ramen ten

me and bohari are really not jap food kind of people hahahah

so hope u were happy and u liked your gift from memeks:D

what a tiring yet incredible week haha

2009-04-02T03:16:00.000-07:00

yeah man kristen stewart haha!!!

kristen stewart born on
9th april 1990

leighton meester born on 9th april 1986
thats blair from gossip girl

well so i have been busy so i cant update as often as i do last time.

CMB's syf is on the 6th of april.all the best you guys i believe u all can do it!

to venus ,pal you have worked so hard to help the section and all i am so proud of how much of a
difference u made and with the effort of the rest of the section.very nice to hear u guys play .
make my hair stand sometimes.so very good cornets!

so yeah this week was so tiring but things just doesnt get to me like the way it use to last year.
i mean i am tired but so what ..i still laugh a hundred times a day...do stupid things,focus on lessons
this is what happy is right? i never been happy before so really i dont know what happys suppose to be?

anyway gotto work harder .mid years are coming haha.ANYWAY I REALISE THAT KRISTEN STEWART FROM TWILIGHT AND LEIGHTON MEESTER (BLAIR) FROM GOSSIP GIRL IS BORN ON THE SAME DATE AS ME HAHA 9TH OF APRIL.haha my bday is soo cool haha.and it just happens to be the actresses that i love haha. how awesome isthat?! one of the two actresses that i am crazy abt was born on my birthday haha.no wonder i love them so much.
thanks dinah for telling me.that girl always keeps me updated on movies tv and celebrities.pretty cooll being her friend haha.we both like disney stuff too haha!

i am trying to get venus hook on to disney too haha.in time she will haha.she likes the cartoon phineas and ferb just by watching the advertisement haha.
anyway the two huge fans that is now in the hall is called THE BIG ASS FANS haha the brand is big ass fan haha.that cracks me up haha.and venus being so fasinated by it every morning cracks me up even more hahaha.

haiz lifzzzz good so far

its you man!you saved me!
in time you will know it!
its like being a part of the cure finally
instead of dying from that deadly diesease over and over again.
your the cure
your the magic
your the blessing:D
ITS AMAZING.how i never realised it.

end of hols back to school

2009-03-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

xoxo gossip girl

chuck and blair

dan and serena(real life couple)

haha oh chuck !haha so cute

they did an ad for nikon
theuy really are sweet together

well its the end of holidays.that was so fast .anyway.dont mind school though

keeps me busy and focused.spenD and my hols studying,going out
,memeks,family,band and GOSSIP GIRL!!!

LOVE THAT SHOW TO THE MAX MAN.i mean nothing is better than watching rich kidz live their lives.haha.
anywai i love serena and dan .they are really sweet together and lonely boy has loved serena since 9th grade.haha very cute.
and i love blair and chuck .i mean they love each other.but they just cant u know bring it out.blair is actually not a bitch .she is so much better and nicer inside.and chuck bass has a heart ,yeah his hearts for blair but he just keeps screwing up.anyway i so think that they shld be together.i love them.

i think character wise,i am a chuck+serena+dan
so cool talking to saiful abt gg he loves it too.

love private practice too!!!haha

anyway i believe school this week would be great.

the "so called" holidays

2009-03-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

well it really isnt holidays at all.
got to be in school everyday to clock in hours.
gosh i hate the weather.
its making me feel more depressed than
i already am.

party with memeks on sat late night was great
and really fun.
i really needed that.i really really did

well pictures will be posted soon.
venus got band camp so ill be seeing her everyday too.
so much for the word holidays
i am just waiting for this whole phase to pass.
the whole olevel phase...it isnt easy.

for you,i bleed myself trying.maybe it was time

and this whole thing was my fault.i aint an easy person to live with.

well i really wanted to be something or someone better.but to you i never will.

there was this thick ice below us.and its started to melt and melt.till there was no more left.

i still see the ice.for you it may have all been gone and forgotten in just one min.everysingle time spent together.

but at least i still see the damn ice u forgot.

i aint a saint or a good person but i got a heart.

week ends and monday

2009-03-09T05:48:00.000-07:00

went to the zoo yest with my family.

will post pictures another day,but it was fun i love animals and i always

loved the zoo when i was a kid,plus it was a good way for the family to spend time.

saturday would be party time..i think ill be high that day...be careful memeks

haha.

anyway today was monday..and yes i love going to school everyday.

you have become my addiction....its hard to resist.

amaths ct was tough.but i tried my very best.alot to do for studies.alot alot to do.i better spend my march hols wisely

we allgot to work damn hard for mid years cause i know thats not going to be easy.

i had enough of this parade,thinking of the words to say.

i mean i cant stand it any longer should start saying someting to you.

you have become my new life now.and it seems like a chance of happiness.

i mean even if this is just a dream or something else.

i mean i dont know whats coming for me.but all i know is you really make me happy.

even if the odds are what it seems to be.even if it seems impossible.

i was dead inside for quite sometime.and your making me alive again.

make me feel blessed to have memeks,vincent meixi,5/1,my family.u make me feel blessed

u make me wanna be someone in life..you creating this new me that i am starting to love.
so your this big impact in my life.

and i am getting restless of just waiting.

what a week

2009-02-26T00:58:00.000-08:00

what a weird week it was.

really weird and tiring.

btw the oscars was great and so was desperate housewives season five

edie:i am married .i have a husband
susan:whose?

hahaha that was so funny the look on edies face when she heard that.

i love gabby!!!!!i love susan!!and i want susan and mike to be together hahaha.love dh!

oscars was soo nice to watch .slumdog millionare won like 8 oscars.

a.r rahman won 2.

he is such an awesom singer.its so cool to see bolly wood enter hollywood.

anyway rest of the week was like crap .but its all good its all good.

coz of homies and venus.haha love them.

life is really so unpredictable.

syahir telling me andvenus abt his 10,20 and 50 cent story.

really makes wonder abt my own life man.haha

anyway,i hate the fact that you dont see me when i am there

i hate the fact that i din see you.when i soo badly wanted to today.esp today.

and i hate the fact that i directed my anger on someone else that i care abt coz of u.

coz u werent around to make me feel happy.i dunno lar

and i hate the fact that i am starting to think abt u .i mean i shouldnt be.

you

2009-02-18T03:57:00.000-08:00

well you're the magic

but dont let it all go to your head.

cause i bet if you had it all figured out.

then it just wont be this difficult.

of all things i have seen you say to me.what you just said,

made me feel like the person i was never meant to be.

your the reason that i am laughing even if there is no one else.

you have to love your self.you must.

and you got all the skill you need.

individuality.

you got something

do i call it gumption?

call it anything.

dont fool yourself now .dont fool yourself ever.

you're only learning.who says it has to be easy.

Climb up over the top.

Survey the state of the soul.

You’ve got to find out for yourself whether or not you’re truly trying.

Why not give it a shot?

Shake it, Take control

And inevitably wind up

Finding for yourself

All the strengths you have inside still rising

your loved by many.isnt life just sweet for you.

why dont u take in the sweetness.suck it all in .instead of kicking it away.

you are just as human as i am.

and thats what i love.

u arnt perfect too.

The curious case of benjamin button

2009-02-06T04:32:00.000-08:00

yesturday i went to watch the curious case of benjamin button.

it was such a beautiful and incredible movie.this movie was really awesome.

and i was really touched in the end.the movie teaches us so many things about life and love.

guys its really the movie to watch and its really worth ur money and time.

this is one of the movies that even after watching the story still sticks with u.it gets u thinking abt life.

i have been wanting to watch this movie since before it came out.and i am so happy i did.

This is the kind of movie for people who can apreciate it language and its message.

brad pitt did a awesome job.

some touching things ill remember.

Benjamin Button: It’s a funny thing about comin’ home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You’ll realize what’s changed is you.

Benjamin Button: [Voice over; letter to his daughter] For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Mrs. Maple: Benjamin, we’re meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?

Captain Mike: You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.

Benjamin Button: Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.

Mr. Daws: Blinded in one eye; can’t hardly hear. I get twitches and shakes out of nowhere; always losing my line of thought. But you know what? God keeps reminding me I’m lucky to be alive.

ONE WORD....AWESOME..JUST AWESOME

not a good start

2009-02-03T20:50:00.000-08:00

this week started off on a not very happy note.
mammen passed away on the 2nd at 12 am plus at changi hospital

it was just a choke.he was just choking on food.
things just happens really fast.u know before u know it its over already.
its been really sad as he was always around since i was a kid.and my cuzzin really loved him.
he was like her best friend.and her best uncle.

but he is in a better place now.happier and pain free.and i know he is watching over all of us.
its been already three days .i din go to school for three days ready.tmr is back to lessons.

its been sad and hard.and sometimes i hate the way things just move too fast pass our eyes.
i hate it.

and its hard to even feel the right feeling at that point of time.

you and i both

2009-01-30T19:05:00.000-08:00

love this song.it has so much meaning.its nice.

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me?
All things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing.

Oh, but at often times those words get tangled up in a lines
And the bright light turns to night
Oh, until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of, of the love
Of the love that I loved

lova lova!

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words;
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words.
More words than I had ever heard, and I feel so alive.

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Oh, love love
You and I, You and I
Not so little you and I anymore

And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of (of, of)
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well, then I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I am free
Oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember that telephones
Well, they work out of both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of (of,)
And others just read of
and if you could see me now
Well, then I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedeedeede
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Out of words

days are getting intense

2009-01-30T04:14:00.000-08:00

today and yest.things were just so tense.

school yest was okay.i was practically happy .of alot of things.first i really wanted a better relationship with my chem teacher and i think i got it.we have learn to smile at each other.which is a improvement compared to the hard glares we give each other.i never thought of her as a bad teacher.just that she scares me.

yest was a great way to end my day...with a bang....haha well it was a good one..and it feels right to end it with me being happy.anyway aftert school when to meet venus and yj later and we had a pre dinner at shinlin taiwan at imm..yj choice was good.i must say that blur china girl has good taste infood.

today was the posting results.i am happy for those who got what they wanted.and guys who din get so.i know u may be sad at first but.its just a milestone..soo much more to life than just jc.fight through it.

saiful came to school..atika and yj too..it was a wow! day haha (venus u know what i mean)
guess these kind of lame things make me happy.dunno y.....

people are moving and i feel i am still stuck at one place.
but i wanna work harder
its like inspiration.

you know honestly..
i dunno actually what i am feeling deep inside.
it can be very scary to find out.
or its even scary to know what it may be abt.

two different things

2009-01-28T04:06:00.000-08:00

its like being in one place.

when u shld be having one kind of feeling.but for some reason.

you feel its just overloading you.its becoming more and more.

and u just got nothing to say....

its like one moment u are in this dream world where time never ends.

and the next your gone.

thats all we get.

one shot .one moment.

guess we arnt that lucky

isnt it bloody sickening.?

the thing is...

you dont forget the moment.

thats more sickening.

because all u want to do is forget.

it isnt that easy right.if it was

then it was all just a facade.

memeks reunion dinner on friday evening

2009-01-25T02:14:00.000-08:00

we had a nice dinner

me and venus so poor thing in uniform

i changed it to black and white .cause it looks better
me and pinkie

ah choo was from work.promoting pokka
guys pls dont buy pokka at giant .imm
hahahhaa!

:D

ME AND VENUS have an inside joke abt that dumb face!

some pictures of the reunion dinner on fri.
at swensens.

finally blogging

2009-01-24T02:27:00.000-08:00

thats per.hahaha

and thea and me

per,mum,thea and me

me and thea!

hey guys!
its been some time huh.

feel glad to be blogging as there is so much to blog about.

okay so we had our memeks reunion dinner yest at swensens.fun .and it was quite a tiring and weird day.

to venus.pal i hope u dont let this make u forget that u were a good leader to all of us and we all turned out well cause of you.
i know some people dont see this.and thats just too bad for them. let them prove themselves concentrate on ur olevels.u still have me i am always there for you everyday.

you stuck with me through all my drama.and this tough week.thanks u gave me the strength.

memeks are also there for u.so u dont have to worry.not fogetting the funny nuts or homies u have. who never fails to make ur day and also mine.

reunion was good. i got to see bohari whom i haven seen in a long time.

my family reunion is tommorow.yes guys we indians have reunion too.

unique huh!!!! my family.and then on tues thea and per came.both of my sister shyamas uwc friends
per is so cute he sang the bday song in swedish for us again.when i was sec 2 he came to stay with us.soo many fun experiance.i remember he came and asked is if he needed to wear red to go to chinatown...SO CUTE!!!! thea is also so sweet and nice.she is norwegian.these are the friends who is really close to my sis.they gave me alot of info on uwc.haha thea is going to be here till may!!! yay! she will be around for my bday!

both of them are great and really nice.haha never knew i would come to know people from sweden and norway! hahaha

people pls go and watch the inconvenient truth its damn good.

we all shld change because global warming is happening guys

means its happening ready. we can make a difference if we change

FIRST STEP WATCH THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH
you can go to you tube its there

AND ONCE WE WATCH lets pay it foward meaning share what we know to every one.

if we can change as an individual.it will make a difference.

LeTS ALL SAVE WHAT THIS BEAUTIFUL PLANET HAS GIVEN TO US.

olevel results

2009-01-13T04:25:00.001-08:00

guess what

nair got a b3! for emaths from a 33 in prelims to a solid b3 yeah man.

i really worked for it damn hard.ms shyam said quote"i am proud of you dear"

wow thats the best thing to hear from your fav teacher.i thanked her for believing in me.

well EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY!!!! i hope my olevel results will be another thing to be proud of.

memeks well done!!!! all ur names on the screen .very proud of you.

yj esp...u be happy u going to get new laptop seh!!!! i very jealous .

saiful dont be so indecisive make a decison where u want to go.

atika good work.

ah chooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hardworking arh..very good

venus ,pal u wld do better and get a1 in june dont worry. anyway thanks for waiting for my results for me.

thiky ,fazilah and del.well done too.all your hard work paid off.

van i am proud of u too.i hope u know where to go from now and work harder to the future.

i hope you guys do well in wherever u go in the future.

i am happy with my results man!!!! haha and i am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee free falling of the emaths

need to work on amaths now.

so i am very proud to have friends like all of u.because i have seen all of u guys through ur olevels

i am prepared for whats going to be put infront of me this year.

you guys are my inspiration!!!!!

DARE TO DREAM ,CHANGE YOUR STARS!!!

ill iss all of u ,when u go jc and all.

but things wont change....fridays wld still be fridays.

i am ending here as a very proud friend.

proud of all of u.

i hope i dont have to say goodbye to anyone of u

ngee ann poly

2009-01-08T05:05:00.000-08:00

i went for the np open house today.

it wasnt as great as 08.
but i think it was good i went.
i mean i know what i want to do.

and how badly i want it.

walking into the school of film and media studies.i just knew its me
i just knew i got great passion for it.
i like the media bubble.
and now thinking abt it.i really really want this badly.
media culture is something i feel i can adapt to and be part of.
NOT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE IT IN THEM.
but seeing it and doing journalism before .
i know i got a future.
and i know i will push all the way to america.
to achieve my last dream.

venus .yj andleeling came along.
many many dumb things happen.
really made me laugh and enjoy myself.
leeling esp.
haiz...life seems to be a long road ahead.
destiny seems to be something that isnt easy to find.

venus said something nice today
"i dont have to be every thing to everyone,but i wish to be something to someone"
haha she heard it from somewhere.

i wish to be something to my mum.
someday.and someday too to someone i love

hold your own

2009-01-03T05:14:00.000-08:00

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

the reason why i put this song lyrics.
it means alot to me.
it explains what i am facing now.
knowing who i am.

i need to get over things.
its very difficult.
and i hope god helps me
pls help me.
to let it go.
justit go.live my life...please.i wanna
find love find happiness.
i need to be strong.i need to let go
LET GO NAIR.LET GO!
go my own way.
everything will be fine
hold my own.

being strong.can do better than this

the last day of 2008

2008-12-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

its the last day of the year 2008.

so i think this post would be a little emo.

cause right now.thinking of this year.

i wish i did somethings differently.

its so fast ....the people i love are leaving.

i dreaded this day since the end of 2007.

i dreaded saying goodbye.i am not very good at it.

before i met this people.i was lost and insecure.

i was angry and sad.and after that ,my sec school life took a big turn.

it may not have been smooth.but i never have been happier.

i never knew i could be happy.this year.
its was so hard.so so hard.

and i wish i did things differently.

i may want to forget all the bad things.but i dont wanna forget the good times and the fun time

every bit,being in band,being a memek.

for the first time in my life...after i met them..for the first time i din feel invisible.

i learned to love,and cry for love and taste the suckiest things of love ,friendship.
i am changed.

and when i was lyingon the floor..when i was down on the dirt

where were u?? where were u?? when everything was falling apart
all my days spend by the handphone that never rang.
all i needed was a call that never came.
a text that i never recieved

the people i loved stayed...

i dont need people to survive...
but the one things true abt me.i will take care of the people i love
i wld take care of hem.
no matte how much they neglect me..
no matter how much they hurt me
cause they are myfamily and people i love
my friends.
they stood by me when i was in shit hole lot of crap

there are three things that are more impt than my own life

family,2nd family,love

to my step mom
you really hurt me yest and i learned my lesson
dont love someone too much
they hurt u in the end
love has the power to break somebody

its just a little late
i din have to wait so long
to not see all the people i care abt infront of me
maybe its too emo

but this people changed me

and i dont wanna lose them.

even if they move on.
they go on in their lives
ill always take care of them
ill always will be there

i dont need people to survive in ths world
but when i love i care.

a whole bunch of christmas pictures from 25th and today the 28th

2008-12-28T04:39:00.000-08:00

an awesoem family pic near the tree.
great day but my christmas isnt complete yet haha
lots more of things to do!!!

nice family pic

yoyo and bobo

nice shot

youjing got us the red noses!!!!

some random shot of me and bohari

today the 28th memeks christmas!!!

the tradition .this how my family says good byes when they leave
they stand near the gate and wave haha

doing lame stuff.and i ws so tired so i just
posed for the pic like that

my cuzzins and fauzy!!!!divya!!!

in the night .at the christmas party at my house
for family.van came.but she had t leave early.
my cuzzins taking shot of them selves -.-

my bro and les...sweet.

my tution teachers kid.she is 5 and soo adorable

25th started with giving! we prvided food
for the old age home
nothing is good than charity

KL!

2008-12-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

this was taken last year christmas .
the whole family
bro and les
sis and her husband
me and dad mum

me and patches...sooo adorable

my third darling
patches my uncles dog
he lives in KL.
the dogs soo freeking cute and intelligent

deco at sunway pyramid mall

me and my mum .outside sunway pyramid mall

at sunway.pretty nice mall.

at genting ont the second day

i am back from KL!!!!!

2008-12-23T00:15:00.000-08:00

HEY GUYS I AM BACK!!!!

i loved shopping in KLwill post pictures later

i got memeks christmas gifts!

i got new shades.

got twilight the movie but not clear.

ill buy the original later

alot of other stufff

anyway i was like reqading new moon the whole ride to KL.

and when i was in the hotel.

i love the story so much.

i am soo deep in the story....

haha atika faster than me haha

we both are officially twilight saga fans.

i love it so muchhhhhhhhhhhh

the movie shld be good next year.

the reviews were so good!

all the way KRISTEN STEWART!

memeks cant wait to see u guys fro christmas...

got alot of things to share

love u all!

be back later

love this song to death

2008-12-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

i heard that this song was picked by kristen stewart for the last scene!

it was in her ipod and she let the director listen to it.

she is sooo coool.i love this song so much.

haha twilight again

2008-12-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

when we ate at the korean food place b4 watching twilight
ms shang hai came back.she cut her hair
i dunno whats up with this kind of fridges
is it a trend haha????

the other side of the table.

i wont stop loving twilight and kristen stewart!

i am officially darn crazy haha.

i went to see twilight again for the third time with family yest night

i just like it so much that it doesnt bore me .

today it officially opens .those who haven seen it.

pls do.

toughest day

2008-12-16T22:57:00.000-08:00

I LOVE kristen and rob.they make me love twilight more

ALICE AND JASPER! HAHA

love the cullens

it was a very sweet part.in a non sick way.it was awesome!

she looks great!

yest barnie and jacko went missing.

we found jacko. barnie is still gone

everyone is sad.the mood is quiet at home.i couldnt be at home yest .i would just be so sad.

jacko was crying this morning.its really hurting and i cant take it.

today we aregoing to put posters out...i hopw barney gets returned to us b4 xmas.

thank god memeks had an outing to see twilight

which i was dying to see the second time.atleast it got my mind of the things upseting me
i love twilight so much. even the second time.

and i think kristen stewart did an awesome job at bella.

shes got the bella vibe and i love her!

anyway i love bella and edward the most

who doesnt.

but i love alice and jasper too!

they are real life married couple!
haha so cute!

kristen and rob did a good job showing bella and edwards chemistry.

it makes anyone have goosebumps.

and i love vampire baseball

thats what i call real baseball.

i liked the last scene.even then second time

bella and edward gives me goosebumps(in a good way)

movies very intense.haha preparing to watch it the third time next week haha

and the second movie will be shooting in march so hopefully it comes out after my olevels!

the cullen family roocks

for me the story .

its not only abt the love

its how far one goes for it.

to the extent ,he had to control who he really was.

good book. great show. great songs.

and an awesome actress

darn it

2008-12-13T04:11:00.000-08:00

how can i decide whats right ,when your clouding up my mind

i cant win your loosing fight all the time.

what kind of person are u?

if your person at all?

ill figure this one out on my own...

anyway,yesturday had a movie marathon with memeks

we watch movies and had pizza,and talked about everything

in the night .cuddled up in my bed.

haiz i love the talks we have.

anyway i had a good time yest.

i am going for a midnight movie today.

i wish i could get alot of things of my chest .

too damn hard.

damn it vanisha leaving tmr

going to miss that cute weirdo

another weeek without van

darrrrrrrrrrrrrrn! atleast shes got roming:D

i like twilight

2008-12-11T06:52:00.000-08:00

i think the twilight movie is going to be a big hit.

i like who they chose for bella but i dont like who they chose for edward

anyway love the book,even though i got so put off when i saw soo many people reading it.

but half of the girls like the book for just the love.but i just dont love the book for the love but for the way the author describes everything.

anyway i just love the book.its interesting...

today went out with dooodie....haha had the greatest time of my life...

new nickname dooodie...

and sometimes arh doodies very cute....like the wanting to wait outside the toilet to tap the button to open the toilet dooor haha

haha i had alot of fun with dooodie.doodie just makes my day evryday! haha

anyway i love caRlos and mike from DH ...i love gabby and susan

I HATE EDIE BRITT!

HAHA

FREEEE FALLLING

twilight music video...nice song

2008-12-09T20:28:00.001-08:00